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*hugs girlfriend, gets on 1 knee* honey, would you *points up, fireworks spell out "LIKE A FREE IPAD?" she looks down& i'm holding a survey*
the only proof i have that there is a god is that one time i saw a dude in a "Bazinga" shirt get into a car and drive directly into a tree
THIS IS THE COPS. WE KNOW YOU HAVE NWA'S "FU*CK THE POLICE" ON REPEAT IN THERE. COME OUT & SAY SORRY TO OFFICER DAVIS. YOU MADE HIM CRY DUDE
the body of christ *eats bread*
the blood of christ *drinks wine*
the eyes of christ *feels grapes*
the brain of christ *pokes spaghetti*
"pizza is a vegetable" "orange soda is a fruit" "bedtimes are illegal" wait a sec. *opens doors to congress, it's full of 12 year-olds*
i… found your tumblr, son. welcome to the force here's your gun/badge your first case is "who's grounded" it's you turn in your bagde & gun
2 New Interaction(s): A PACK OF WOLVES favorited your tweet "damn, feeling hella vulnerable today".
A PACK OF WOLVES started following you.
SON we need to talk. I got a call b/c your science report was 15min of seinfeld bass over 9/11 clips? That is Bad Ass. here's some everclear
I Find It Kinda Funny / I Find It Kinda Sad / My Dog Is On A Skateboard / And He's Looking Hella Rad
are you a bad enough dude to finish the unlimited breadsticks dad? well ARE YOU? CAN YOU EAT THEM ALL DA－ＤＡＤ ＣＡＮ ＹＯＵ ＥＡＴ ＢＲＥＡＤＳＴＩＣＫＳ ＦＯＲＥＶＥＲ
YOU DAMN FOOLS, THE MILK INDUSTRY IS RUN BY A SKELETON. MILK MAKES THE ENEMY INSIDE YOU STRONGER.
someone on this bus just said "if that isn't epic, i don't know what is", so i screamed "THE ILLIAD" and krumped into oncoming traffic
when i was child i wanted to be dinosaur and astronaut. now i want to be drunkand dead
u either die a teen or live long enough to see yourself become the dad
Block Obama. Mitt Rhombus. Who will be the next Prisimdent of the United Shapes? stay tuned for more political jokes and me hanging myself
son we need to talk about your report card. your grades spell "P E N I S" not gonna lie i laughed really hard. here's a marajuana cigarette
I'm a boy crazy cum addicted party slut // i have two girlfriends, one of whom hates twitter for good reason, and one of whom who is @yessequitur
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