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Just joined a new political party: "Americans for the use of the word Wanker"
I feel like I'd be friends with anyone that knows "let's" is a contraction.
Hunger games, first world style. The last person eating ice cream wins.
Enter the quintessential sitcom moment where I close the door to my old apartment for the very last time. #GoodMemories
I wish there was a delivery service from my kitchen to my bed. Anyone interested? Look at me, creating jobs for the American people.
I'm actually a hipster dressing like a normal person to be ironic.
Pickles still count as vegetables, right?
Bathing suit: optional. Swimming: commanditory.