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  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn't doing the same thing.

    • 2,476
    • FAVS
    CookieVangelistbadgyalofosloTheBossomBonesHerISOremarkable_whynotehdanfantinInconsteveable
    • 1,766
    • RETWEETS
    JamesKoppestalknerdyDMUimadepoopstodaypHungShwaykerosenehImsohoppyKhaleddAhmedAngrEdmontonian
    OfficeofSteveBrewskermohitrajclaysummersthentherewasmoTheKenyan_fred_dogrobertseuan______10InchesPlusdeLusticiouslloydrangPlaying_DadquickpooperChipKellysBallsllvvzzzMrsJekyllsHydejjax44TwinTwistedKyrieFayeSunnyGirl1717MasterOfFuryMrToletoneliserose5
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.

    • 2,455
    • FAVS
    momopfaceMissy_KellpHungShwaytiReynardSheilastark20eliassen_meljbeecham49AMagidB
    • 1,414
    • RETWEETS
    CraigChamberlinAMagidBProzac101mannequin_talksBoleyngirlyk_cycySeanD1111lilgapeach32
    DrDweezilalmostapriestMikeZakarianMrsJekyllsHydeKatieBurnettPlaying_DadCVTBabyabrosenthalMascaraBandit10InchesPlus
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    God put men on earth because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

    • 2,081
    • FAVS
    pHungShwayPee_And_GigglesPagikahhImsohoppyMandiAtRandoml_wagstaffebellesapepper37say_anything27
    • 1,076
    • RETWEETS
    Imsohoppyjewelzfoolzterio1429lauradru62Ignorant_IndianWongLipJunNdeshi_Minnosent_soul__
    mohitrajnuclearbelle__Social_Mimei_theindianCarolineCaseykillthemessngerllvvzzzginger_xtc__MrToletonBrokenZmileMrPeeker__planetleslie
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Boy at FBI headquarters saw pictures of 10 most wanted men & said, "Why didn't you keep them when you took their picture?"

    • 1,750
    • FAVS
    2thestreetztiReynardkerosenehSueMahindaWeirdoKerenchapel3929Pee_And_GigglesPagikahh
    • 1,034
    • RETWEETS
    CraigChamberlintiReynardkerosenehZacharyVeredWeirdoKerenchapel3929HeronSaysImsohoppy
    KatieBurnettmrt1mGroperClevelandMrsJekyllsHydebrittarnettabrosenthalNinjaFuneral______itswrigley________
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."

    • 1,699
    • FAVS
    ohfuckitsmegantiReynardkerosenehPee_And_GigglesImsohoppykrysp86_poolMandiAtRandomallthatisbecca
    • 783
    • RETWEETS
    CraigChamberlintiReynardkerosenehImsohoppytexasstalkermomLetmebethepearlvlowgoesterio1429
    nigelgodwinLouisGibboholypurgatorybornmiserable
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?" Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

    • 1,503
    • FAVS
    pHungShwaytiReynardkerosenehharrytheh1psterBasedWidecockPee_And_GigglesImsohoppyMandiAtRandom
    • 913
    • RETWEETS
    tiReynardkerosenehBasedWidecockchapel3929Imsohoppylauradru62Ignorant_IndianWongLipJun
    CraigChamberlinTheBeerGuy73XAIMMadellynneWindPushedGrassJosesLovesYou_InsanelyNormal__SCBamaManmoreofffmeJP_theAntiHero
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Treat your dog like family or don't have a dog.

    • 1,146
    • FAVS
    pHungShwaytiReynardkerosenehArdentHeart9KipczochMyImsohoppygmossiithetobbie
    • 834
    • RETWEETS
    tiReynardkerosenehKipczochMyImsohoppyCVTBabybhuff9715lauradru62Ignorant_Indian
    mohitrajGeoroyoparupaajBlaineBruceEliHansenMusic
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Grown ups ask kids, "What do you want to do when you grow up?" because we're looking for ideas.

    • 1,175
    • FAVS
    tiReynardPee_And_GigglesImsohoppyBOSUN4321Ignorant_IndianWongLipJunNdeshi_Mapple_jack10
    • 706
    • RETWEETS
    tiReynardImsohoppyIgnorant_IndianWongLipJunjdots24Hayate05Ndeshi_MSmilee306
    GreyPath1ScottBerghorndinokittenTweetTheDude
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    The trouble with lawyer jokes is that lawyers don't think they're funny, & nobody else thinks they're jokes.

    • 1,176
    • FAVS
    Hind_HishamkashanacauleytiReynardPagikahhImsohoppygiosagripantishawnwhalen33see_vaibhav
    • 451
    • RETWEETS
    tiReynardImsohoppysee_vaibhavkarenee25iGreenMonkIgnorant_IndianNdeshi_MJohnny23mac
    DionneMcNuttmantejrossbransonCarmel_Coleman
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    The best twit followers are intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk or high.

    • 1,095
    • FAVS
    pHungShwaytiReynardLHydJawIsCr4k3J__AlphaBallzitsonlynessaCLOheadUDSImsohoppylauradru62
    • 509
    • RETWEETS
    Bitch_Killa23uAlphaBallzMeowStorystrSarcasiliciousCLOheadUDSnv7281ImsohoppyIgnorant_Indian
    madamesnooty______
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Twitter is starting to make sense. Time to up my medication.

    • 1,016
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_GigglesImsohoppyKhaleddAhmedsee_vaibhavbrn_jyIgnorant_IndianNdeshi_Mdirty_romantic
    • 404
    • RETWEETS
    Imsohoppysee_vaibhavbrn_jyiGreenMonkIgnorant_IndianNdeshi_MawesomeJCwoodMSN2BE
    TampaBayMommaChipKellysBallsmissekay
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Women play with their hair at traffic lights because they don't have any balls to scratch.

    • 879
    • FAVS
    pHungShwayPee_And_GigglesPagikahhImsohoppyiGreenMonkIgnorant_IndianNdeshi_MJohnny23mac
    • 339
    • RETWEETS
    ImsohoppyIgnorant_IndianNdeshi_MJohnny23macswapnilgyaniDaNaLa13spiraled_awayfuzzlime
    rsynder336________
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    WalMart may have 5 million underpaid employees, but only two work at checkout here.

    • 709
    • FAVS
    ImsohoppyiGreenMonkIgnorant_IndianNeuronicismNdeshi_Mdirty_romanticJohnny23mac1javaguy
    • 366
    • RETWEETS
    Ignorant_IndianKwalk20__NeuronicismmrsmauiNdeshi_MHiddleDeeDeeJohnny23macDaNaLa13
    AnyaLachae7Nichole_Lindsey
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    I bet I could get away with peeing on the floor at PetsMart.

    • 723
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_GigglesPagikahhImsohoppysee_vaibhavsamvariasDarkMoe3iGreenMonkIgnorant_Indian
    • 324
    • RETWEETS
    Imsohoppysee_vaibhaviGreenMonkIgnorant_IndianpostfetusNdeshi_MDaNaLa13Johnny23mac
    cheeky__galadamlucidishesananteater
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Lower your standards, a little more....,. there. Now you can relate to my tweets.

    • 699
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_GigglesImsohoppyNir9090lauradru62see_vaibhavbrain_omenzero3_benz_kamugisha_
    • 289
    • RETWEETS
    Imsohoppylauradru62see_vaibhavzero3_benzbrain_omen_kamugisha_iGreenMonkIgnorant_Indian
    mohitraj
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    DAM - Mothers Against Dyslexia

    • 704
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_Giggleslauradru62Ndeshi_Mdirty_romanticNotJustJackDaNaLa13Johnny23macBakedElle
    • 247
    • RETWEETS
    lauradru62Ndeshi_MDaNaLa13Johnny23macolievlJayWhyte27simply0liScotthobson1
    abrosenthalseanmoriartyMVInkdhawaiianBlondAmbitionTOHeatherLuvsYou
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    I'll gladly take a pity star.

    • 683
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_Gigglesphalguylauradru62see_vaibhavursaconBardenMsDarkMoe3iGreenMonk
    • 147
    • RETWEETS
    phalguysee_vaibhaviGreenMonkIgnorant_IndiansumbodysbabygrlNdeshi_Msexy_vodka_kissDaNaLa13
    SteveDutzy
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    If the enemy is in range, so are you.

    • 622
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_Giggleschotafakirphalguysee_vaibhavCantTouch__ThisWasted_Breathdispatch_girlbrain_omen
    • 203
    • RETWEETS
    Pee_And_Gigglesphalguysee_vaibhavCantTouch__Thisdispatch_girlbrain_omeniGreenMonkIgnorant_Indian
    BrewskerJackieluvsUK
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    "Noah" spoiler alert: they ran out of food and ate the unicorns.

    • 428
    • FAVS
    re_petedpHungShwayPee_And_Gigglessee_vaibhavbloggingbroadlolpleaseshutupkelkulusiGreenMonk
    • 249
    • RETWEETS
    re_petedpHungShwayMaeNuersee_vaibhaviGreenMonkIgnorant_Indian_KizzzyNdeshi_M
    CVTBabymissekay
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    My psychiatrist diagnosed me easily, "Yours is a common enough personality problem - you're obnoxious."

    • 508
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_Giggleslauradru62Ignorant_Indian_KizzzyNdeshi_Mdirty_romanticsorasimone_17pdcook54
    • 148
    • RETWEETS
    lauradru62Ignorant_Indian_KizzzyNdeshi_Mlucy_nyholm123BkGeo718sexy_vodka_kissJohnny23mac
    NaomiGlitter
@wesjohnson8

@wesjohnson8
Pro

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.