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  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn't doing the same thing.

    • 2,358
    • FAVS
    geekycookerLadyFafaSoapCrazeJenupiterIdrisAyoadesakr89sarah6804Emily5656
    • 1,687
    • RETWEETS
    SoapCrazesarah6804justfay3sweetg35weffy93possibilyssPippilongjohnbeachpupurple
    BrewskermohitrajclaysummersthentherewasmoTheKenyan_fred_dogrobertseuan______10InchesPlusdeLusticiouslloydrangPlaying_DadquickpooperChipKellysBallsllvvzzzMrsJekyllsHydejjax44TwinTwistedKyrieFayeSunnyGirl1717MasterOfFuryMrToletoneliserose5
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.

    • 2,277
    • FAVS
    novicefathersweetg35PaulGreenhalgh2Cheetoe4AceFlavoredwhoretinaM3lissaMcDonaldHumorParasite
    • 1,322
    • RETWEETS
    Cheetoe4AceFlavoredHumorParasitewhtboy_tattooedchicnlil1MSN2BEsrennahcCasino_Diva
    almostapriestMikeZakarianMrsJekyllsHydeKatieBurnettPlaying_DadCVTBabyabrosenthalMascaraBandit10InchesPlus
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    God put men on earth because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

    • 1,964
    • FAVS
    novicefatherIllEatYoFacedaniel_frijoleskrishna_vanpossibilyssjuneohara65darda_berryAceFlavored
    • 998
    • RETWEETS
    novicefatherkrishna_vanpossibilyssjuneohara65darda_berryAceFlavoreddena_buchanansuperdrumm
    belle_n_bamaSocial_Mimei_theindianCarolineCaseykillthemessngerllvvzzzginger_xtc__MrToletonBrokenZmileMrPeekerplanetleslie
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Boy at FBI headquarters saw pictures of 10 most wanted men & said, "Why didn't you keep them when you took their picture?"

    • 1,660
    • FAVS
    novicefatherkathybotteasAceFlavoredwhoretinajohnlan27986372nzthewordMILFDiane76coop
    • 977
    • RETWEETS
    AceFlavoredmurray1606PsychicDecisionmarylolagougek3booksRckaylajohnlan27986372BanonokeBGriff
    mrt1mGroperClevelandMrsJekyllsHydebrittarnettabrosenthalNinjaFuneral______itswrigley________
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."

    • 1,622
    • FAVS
    novicefatherAmuckeryCheetoe4whoretinasuperdrummJollyTaxpayerBittyB3Underchilde
    • 733
    • RETWEETS
    novicefatherPaulGreenhalgh2spiderdog13Cheetoe4davidwgallBittyB3Underchildechicnlil1
    nigelgodwinLouisGibboholypurgatorybornmiserable
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?" Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

    • 1,427
    • FAVS
    novicefatherpossibilyssserpentina66karalovell28BicyclingRedditwhoretinaMILFDianeenriquezwb
    • 857
    • RETWEETS
    katiedx3possibilyssserpentina66Ohhwhoopschachababy123paulablu22scootiekkkjoa514
    CraigChamberlinTheBeerGuy73AIMMadellynneWindPushedGrassJosesLovesYou_InsanelyNormal__SCBamaManmoreofffmeJP_theAntiHero
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Treat your dog like family or don't have a dog.

    • 1,022
    • FAVS
    Vrabbvtrapp11wmoonmanNinja_Soup_nibjonescruelestroachloopmoviemaddyalou
    • 743
    • RETWEETS
    PatrickBlankMerlejuanaTaliabearRavensHypeManLpn0513missekayLES_Shipper78Cheetoe4
    GeoroyoparupaajBlaineBruceEliHansenMusic
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Grown ups ask kids, "What do you want to do when you grow up?" because we're looking for ideas.

    • 1,085
    • FAVS
    novicefatherCheetoe4kathybotteasHumorParasiteOhhwhoopsseanx3ToxicProbablyEddie97burton
    • 634
    • RETWEETS
    novicefatherCheetoe4HumorParasiteOhhwhoopsdavidbichapaulablu22TheTalkingPipeKennyD444
    ScottBerghorndinokittenTweetTheDude
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    The trouble with lawyer jokes is that lawyers don't think they're funny, & nobody else thinks they're jokes.

    • 1,126
    • FAVS
    76coopfusedudeToxicProbablykatz_ginafreebirdy31paulablu22southerncagnaattsmcjay
    • 421
    • RETWEETS
    EstebanTaverasbulosinaAlejandraortigktemp__xofusedudepaulablu22thumbprinzeattsmcjay
    DionneMcNuttmantejrossbransonCarmel_Coleman
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    The best twit followers are intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk or high.

    • 1,027
    • FAVS
    LES_Shipper78Cheetoe4FrizerkaSandraAmbaliscioudpinktacogirl30justwanttobeme3latte_dramachompy_jr
    • 469
    • RETWEETS
    LES_Shipper78Cheetoe4How2RugbyFrizerkaSandraAmbaliscioudpinktacogirl30justwanttobeme3latte_drama
    madamesnooty______
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Twitter is starting to make sense. Time to up my medication.

    • 960
    • FAVS
    Inner_MoCasino_Divapaulablu22Spaced_Cowboy00Angela6714gigi1333Amelia_DrawsLisaKohlbrenner
    • 370
    • RETWEETS
    Inner_Momav3yCasino_Divaposogypylutepaulablu22Angela6714TheTalkingPipeBigTxDick
    TampaBayMommaChipKellysBallsmissekay
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Women play with their hair at traffic lights because they don't have any balls to scratch.

    • 846
    • FAVS
    AmuckeryDeborahrahrah_xIndyLeslieMichelle_9693Cheetoe4Casino_DivaBigTxDicklouisjewell
    • 324
    • RETWEETS
    PaulGreenhalgh2Cheetoe4Casino_DivaBigTxDickpaulablu22KireiOniGreeneyedMofoBrowneyed_mama
    rsynder336________
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    WalMart may have 5 million underpaid employees, but only two work at checkout here.

    • 655
    • FAVS
    Cheetoe4Casino_Divaseanx3ToxicProbablyBigTxDickpaulablu22Spaced_Cowboy00ruraljules
    • 331
    • RETWEETS
    spiderdog13Cheetoe4Casino_DivaBigTxDicksts9770paulablu22sailormoonie135Browneyed_mama
    AnyaLachae7Nichole_Lindsey
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    I bet I could get away with peeing on the floor at PetsMart.

    • 676
    • FAVS
    Cheetoe4chicnlil1ITalkToHorsiesdixiedude22000ChiefTwittlerChanlElvnZenKiltToxicProbably
    • 298
    • RETWEETS
    MSN2BEOhgoddessitsmeToxicProbablyBigTxDickpaulablu22MisterrLysterSufficientCharmAyeangg3
    cheeky__galadamlucidishesananteater
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Lower your standards, a little more....,. there. Now you can relate to my tweets.

    • 665
    • FAVS
    Cheetoe4Casino_DivaKarlTheFagpaulablu22Spaced_Cowboy00ruraljulesSolelyBBrowneyed_mama
    • 265
    • RETWEETS
    Casino_Divapaulablu22Browneyed_mamabelle_n_bamaGodivaInBluepossibilysskcMcCowgirlkevinbry
    mohitraj
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    DAM - Mothers Against Dyslexia

    • 680
    • FAVS
    Cheetoe4OsceolaHunterpaulablu22Spaced_Cowboy00ruraljulesSolelyBBrowneyed_mamabelle_n_bama
    • 231
    • RETWEETS
    paulablu22Browneyed_mamabelle_n_bamakevinbrycoalslagLove_bug1016AimeeAuthorgirl_a_whirl
    seanmoriartyMVInkdhawaiianBlondAmbitionTOHeatherLuvsYou
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    I'll gladly take a pity star.

    • 653
    • FAVS
    Cheetoe4StonedInsomniacOsceolaHunterKarlTheFagpaulablu22PetiteRainCityjust1foolSpaced_Cowboy00
    • 128
    • RETWEETS
    Ms_WindCheetoe4paulablu22just1foolBrowneyed_mamaCyranoSinatrabelle_n_bamaolievl
    SteveDutzy
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    If the enemy is in range, so are you.

    • 591
    • FAVS
    Cheetoe4OsceolaHunterKarlTheFagpaulablu22just1foolSpaced_Cowboy00raginbull67BrianIncognito
    • 183
    • RETWEETS
    OsceolaHunterpaulablu22just1foolraginbull67GingerJ17KireiOniBrowneyed_mamaPussycatPlace
    BrewskerJackieluvsUK
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    "Noah" spoiler alert: they ran out of food and ate the unicorns.

    • 405
    • FAVS
    Cheetoe4paulablu22just1foolSpaced_Cowboy00angrybirds5150R1CC1Kshannon2703ruraljules
    • 238
    • RETWEETS
    paulablu22just1foolruraljulesKireiOniBrowneyed_mamabelle_n_bamakevinbryTheWildeFish
    CVTBabymissekay
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    My psychiatrist diagnosed me easily, "Yours is a common enough personality problem - you're obnoxious."

    • 485
    • FAVS
    Cheetoe4OneFunnyMummypaulablu22PetiteRainCityshita3yosaysSufficientCharmSpaced_Cowboy00just1fool
    • 133
    • RETWEETS
    OneFunnyMummynoctus69posogypylutepaulablu22SufficientCharmjust1foolBrowneyed_mamaCyranoSinatra
    nayomeewallace
@wesjohnson8

@wesjohnson8
Pro

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.