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  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn't doing the same thing.

    • 2,422
    • FAVS
    vaglaserschoolboy1752bonniejeannetxandurrrsTOPLAWDOGhstweetheartDaddyJewalleyofsin
    • 1,738
    • RETWEETS
    RaleighTaylor17vaglaseramywsbeekelseybilickiBrenzy88sperrynTOPLAWDOGDaddyJew
    BrewskermohitrajclaysummersthentherewasmoTheKenyan_fred_dogrobertseuan______10InchesPlusdeLusticiouslloydrangPlaying_DadquickpooperChipKellysBallsllvvzzzMrsJekyllsHydejjax44TwinTwistedKyrieFayeSunnyGirl1717MasterOfFuryMrToletoneliserose5
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.

    • 2,343
    • FAVS
    vaglaserKennyc2653WhitneyHoofPatrickIrwinDaNaLa13spiraled_awayEric310776hdaniels_00
    • 1,361
    • RETWEETS
    PatrickIrwinDaNaLa13spiraled_awayjasmennv01netdog713Eric310776hdaniels_00fuzzlime
    DrDweezilalmostapriestMikeZakarianMrsJekyllsHydeKatieBurnettPlaying_DadCVTBabyabrosenthalMascaraBandit10InchesPlus
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    God put men on earth because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

    • 2,018
    • FAVS
    vaglaserParasuram_PRjustfay3lea__audreygraciesears4iGreenMonkDaNaLa13spiraled_away
    • 1,032
    • RETWEETS
    iGreenMonkDaNaLa13spiraled_awayNikiDresdenUsetobeabastardEric310776fuzzlimeHOTTEST_ITALIAN
    sweetcakesbelleSocial_Mimei_theindianCarolineCaseykillthemessngerllvvzzzginger_xtc__MrToletonBrokenZmileMrPeekerplanetleslie
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Boy at FBI headquarters saw pictures of 10 most wanted men & said, "Why didn't you keep them when you took their picture?"

    • 1,699
    • FAVS
    vaglaserNikiDresdenocatzUsetobeabastardShermanPartsSteveTweetstoojeffrhoodJamiLynnxoxo
    • 1,001
    • RETWEETS
    UsetobeabastardJamiLynnxoxofuzzlimeBellaRene1369checkpuleazeDarren_Mirandamiyakellesportzcrazed
    KatieBurnettmrt1mGroperClevelandMrsJekyllsHydebrittarnettabrosenthalNinjaFuneral______itswrigley________
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."

    • 1,650
    • FAVS
    spiraled_awaybee_es_teeNikiDresdenmrsmauihurricane_heideocatzUsetobeabastardfuzzlime
    • 754
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_awayNikiDresdenUsetobeabastardbeergoggles101fuzzlimeCholly34SamuelHLowePushky_M
    nigelgodwinLouisGibboholypurgatorybornmiserable
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?" Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

    • 1,457
    • FAVS
    vaglaserTheCattyLadyM3JCNVfingerbone138fuzzlimewhitesox9jumanjisjoeNetaHession
    • 876
    • RETWEETS
    BellaRene1369FanOGremlinfingerbone138fuzzlimewhitesox9OrignalceQueenmiyakelleChwakie_
    CraigChamberlinTheBeerGuy73XAIMMadellynneWindPushedGrassJosesLovesYou_InsanelyNormal__SCBamaManmoreofffmeJP_theAntiHero
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Treat your dog like family or don't have a dog.

    • 1,074
    • FAVS
    amywsbeeschoolboy1752LexuxMbonniejeannetxsperrynPAPERCUT_andurrrsMyPineapple
    • 777
    • RETWEETS
    88shenanigansshaggs3seleneneopucci79sfwarriorsfanPAPERCUT_andurrrsMick_McC
    mohitrajGeoroyoparupaajBlaineBruceEliHansenMusic
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Grown ups ask kids, "What do you want to do when you grow up?" because we're looking for ideas.

    • 1,136
    • FAVS
    fuzzlimeomarelboklwhitesox9jumanjisjoeloops888laireGomes_MonkeyOrignalceQueen
    • 679
    • RETWEETS
    whitesox9schanlon1KhaleddAhmedMalakMostlyMasoomipatellGomes_MonkeyOrignalceQueentherepoguy
    GreyPath1__ScottBerghorndinokittenTweetTheDude
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    The trouble with lawyer jokes is that lawyers don't think they're funny, & nobody else thinks they're jokes.

    • 1,148
    • FAVS
    gill_janspiraled_awayMK_ShenanigansfuzzlimeOutOnTheMoorsOneLastStrangerAskBellaWagnerNatashaNat24
    • 435
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_awayfuzzlimeOutOnTheMoorsuncanny_pisceanOneLastStrangerNatashaNat24Casino_DivaDemoonInside
    DionneMcNuttmantejrossbransonCarmel_Coleman
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    The best twit followers are intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk or high.

    • 1,058
    • FAVS
    spiraled_awaykasaudaelisabetherapyfuzzlimeMegsDollthatnerdychikwonderwomenmOutOnTheMoors
    • 487
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_awayfuzzlimethatnerdychikwonderwomenmOutOnTheMoorsOneLastStrangerianspencer95DJVanEvery
    madamesnooty______
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Twitter is starting to make sense. Time to up my medication.

    • 991
    • FAVS
    Ms_SipPatriciaPotykasssh_squirrelswollenvoiceSillySassySmartelisabetherapybonniejeannetxsperryn
    • 384
    • RETWEETS
    swollenvoice_soulfullofloveziggy_westjambie61she_nuttDaddyJewspiraled_awaySoulCaddie
    TampaBayMommaChipKellysBallsmissekay
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Women play with their hair at traffic lights because they don't have any balls to scratch.

    • 865
    • FAVS
    spiraled_awayjkramblesMK_Shenanigansvioletfemme89fuzzlimebetowmxmzjaxijDemoonInside
    • 333
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_awayfuzzlimemzjaxijDemoonInsideHumorParasiteQuietMindIIdanute629li4mst3w4rt
    rsynder336________
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    WalMart may have 5 million underpaid employees, but only two work at checkout here.

    • 686
    • FAVS
    spiraled_awayfuzzlimeOneLastStrangerLambyMcSheepsbaileydevyn77NatashaNat24DemoonInsideHumorParasite
    • 357
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_awayOneLastStrangercarmen_tchs2014ianspencer95NatashaNat24DemoonInsideHumorParasiteDJVanEvery
    AnyaLachae7Nichole_Lindsey
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    I bet I could get away with peeing on the floor at PetsMart.

    • 705
    • FAVS
    vaglaserspiraled_awaymassacredsoulMrTallPaul1hdaniels_00mdpakrattHenry_3kOG_Shrug_Life
    • 314
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_awayMrTallPaul1tcg_jrzachv86BellaRene1369fuzzlime0223allieMiss_Kris85
    cheeky__galadamlucidishesananteater
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Lower your standards, a little more....,. there. Now you can relate to my tweets.

    • 676
    • FAVS
    spiraled_awayOutOnTheMoorsOneLastStrangersuperduperish1mzjaxijDemoonInsideQuietMindIIGina52263819
    • 273
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_awayCeroMackerelOutOnTheMoorsiamabhi3OneLastStrangerHumorParasiteDemoonInsideli4mst3w4rt
    mohitraj
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    DAM - Mothers Against Dyslexia

    • 689
    • FAVS
    OutOnTheMoorsOneLastStrangerLambyMcSheepsDemoonInsideHumorParasiteQuietMindIIDJVanEverybexaday
    • 238
    • RETWEETS
    OutOnTheMoorsOneLastStrangerDemoonInsideHumorParasiteDJVanEverybexadayli4mst3w4rtpaulablu22
    seanmoriartyMVInkdhawaiianBlondAmbitionTOHeatherLuvsYou
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    I'll gladly take a pity star.

    • 666
    • FAVS
    mzjaxijianspencer95NatashaNat24DemoonInsideQuietMindIICasino_DivaGina52263819Slave_4_U
    • 138
    • RETWEETS
    NatashaNat24DemoonInsideCasino_Divajerath90Slave_4_USassyquackerADDChickieli4mst3w4rt
    SteveDutzy
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    If the enemy is in range, so are you.

    • 605
    • FAVS
    ShermanPartswhoretinaKellieMounceSaveItForFestfuzzlimeOutOnTheMoorsiamabhi3OneLastStranger
    • 190
    • RETWEETS
    SaveItForFestfuzzlimeOutOnTheMoorsOneLastStrangerbetowmxCasino_Divali4mst3w4rtOsceolaHunter
    BrewskerJackieluvsUK
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    "Noah" spoiler alert: they ran out of food and ate the unicorns.

    • 413
    • FAVS
    NatashaNat24HumorParasiteQuietMindIIDJVanEveryGina52263819ADDChickieli4mst3w4rts7u3z
    • 243
    • RETWEETS
    NatashaNat24HumorParasiteDJVanEveryADDChickieli4mst3w4rtpaulablu22just1foolruraljules
    CVTBabymissekay
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    My psychiatrist diagnosed me easily, "Yours is a common enough personality problem - you're obnoxious."

    • 495
    • FAVS
    LambyMcSheeps4eva_quotebetowmxianspencer95rysox80HumorParasiteQuietMindIIGingerJ17
    • 139
    • RETWEETS
    betowmxrysox80HumorParasitebloodcubedGingerJ17li4mst3w4rtOneFunnyMummynoctus69
    nayomeewallace
@wesjohnson8

@wesjohnson8
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Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.