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  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn't doing the same thing.

    • 2,428
    • FAVS
    paulcelestinoMoonshineOTRhpb777PatWallaceBrenda_H_MaySOiGRABYSLEEVEvaglaserschoolboy1752
    • 1,742
    • RETWEETS
    paulcelestinoCarmelita_41athar351hpb777RaleighTaylor17vaglaseramywsbeekelseybilicki
    BrewskermohitrajclaysummersthentherewasmoTheKenyan_fred_dogrobertseuan______10InchesPlusdeLusticiouslloydrangPlaying_DadquickpooperChipKellysBallsllvvzzzMrsJekyllsHydejjax44TwinTwistedKyrieFayeSunnyGirl1717MasterOfFuryMrToletoneliserose5
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.

    • 2,345
    • FAVS
    PatWallacehpb777vaglaserKennyc2653WhitneyHoofPatrickIrwinDaNaLa13spiraled_away
    • 1,362
    • RETWEETS
    hpb777PatrickIrwinDaNaLa13spiraled_awayjasmennv01netdog713Eric310776hdaniels_00
    DrDweezilalmostapriestMikeZakarianMrsJekyllsHydeKatieBurnettPlaying_DadCVTBabyabrosenthalMascaraBandit10InchesPlus
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    God put men on earth because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

    • 2,025
    • FAVS
    UncommonRayintherawmusicWeird_Rashmiss_jerkettesassykat94MoonshineOTRhpb777vaglaser
    • 1,038
    • RETWEETS
    Weird_Rashmiss_jerkettedan_jugzathar351bennythegreatthpb777iGreenMonkDaNaLa13
    nuclearbelle__Social_Mimei_theindianCarolineCaseykillthemessngerllvvzzzginger_xtc__MrToletonBrokenZmileMrPeekerplanetleslie
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Boy at FBI headquarters saw pictures of 10 most wanted men & said, "Why didn't you keep them when you took their picture?"

    • 1,718
    • FAVS
    DickstractedLacyTracyLynnDaNaLa13Zerofeverhpb777Shubh_BhamKannadMulgimejustbeth
    • 1,010
    • RETWEETS
    eudaiimoniaJhawkguy11DaNaLa13Zerofeverhpb777Spot_FixerFakeTacklerKSuroliya
    KatieBurnettmrt1mGroperClevelandMrsJekyllsHydebrittarnettabrosenthalNinjaFuneral______itswrigley________
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."

    • 1,658
    • FAVS
    sassykat94DeRanwalt3hpb777Terror_85YourPrincess_LallthingspoetictherepoguyDaNaLa13
    • 759
    • RETWEETS
    hpb777Terror_85YourPrincess_LtherepoguyDaNaLa13spiraled_awayNikiDresdenUsetobeabastard
    nigelgodwinLouisGibboholypurgatorybornmiserable
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?" Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

    • 1,469
    • FAVS
    paulcelestinohpb777lilgapeach32damBCDaNaLa13Sarxy_jajerom83madeezythebeezy
    • 890
    • RETWEETS
    paulcelestinohpb777solitaryspooklilgapeach32betowmxDaNaLa13Spot_FixerKazakhChild
    CraigChamberlinTheBeerGuy73XAIMMadellynneWindPushedGrassJosesLovesYou_InsanelyNormal__SCBamaManmoreofffmeJP_theAntiHero
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Treat your dog like family or don't have a dog.

    • 1,085
    • FAVS
    SeanEmenyUghSpareMedellen01eclecticfriend3DaNaLa13JohnnyBeGooodddToken_GeezerWickedKatie
    • 790
    • RETWEETS
    UghSpareMeDaNaLa13lioliciousJohnnyBeGooodddWickedKatieMikes_on_TwitrChauncey_HillTheJetDetective
    mohitrajGeoroyoparupaajBlaineBruceEliHansenMusic
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Grown ups ask kids, "What do you want to do when you grow up?" because we're looking for ideas.

    • 1,139
    • FAVS
    hpb777SouthsideMickDaNaLa13fuzzlimeomarelboklwhitesox9jumanjisjoeloops888
    • 682
    • RETWEETS
    dan_jugzhpb777DaNaLa13whitesox9schanlon1KhaleddAhmedMalakMostlyMasoomipatell
    GreyPath1ScottBerghorndinokittenTweetTheDude
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    The trouble with lawyer jokes is that lawyers don't think they're funny, & nobody else thinks they're jokes.

    • 1,152
    • FAVS
    kratosfrostbitehpb777dellen01DaNaLa13gill_janspiraled_awayMK_Shenanigansfuzzlime
    • 437
    • RETWEETS
    hpb777DaNaLa13spiraled_awayfuzzlimeOutOnTheMoorsuncanny_pisceanOneLastStrangerNatashaNat24
    DionneMcNuttmantejrossbransonCarmel_Coleman
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    The best twit followers are intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk or high.

    • 1,062
    • FAVS
    Marjorie361hpb777dellen01DaNaLa13spiraled_awaykasaudaelisabetherapyfuzzlime
    • 491
    • RETWEETS
    Marjorie361dan_jugzhpb777DaNaLa13spiraled_awayfuzzlimethatnerdychikwonderwomenm
    madamesnooty______
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Twitter is starting to make sense. Time to up my medication.

    • 998
    • FAVS
    hpb777Sarxy_CookieClowryest9VEnteEeswarahsynchronicitisiMinaletMs_Sip
    • 389
    • RETWEETS
    hpb777jay14xSupernovaWickedEnteEeswarahPsychographEdswollenvoice_soulfullofloveziggy_west
    TampaBayMommaChipKellysBallsmissekay
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Women play with their hair at traffic lights because they don't have any balls to scratch.

    • 866
    • FAVS
    hpb777spiraled_awayjkramblesMK_Shenanigansvioletfemme89fuzzlimebetowmxmzjaxij
    • 333
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_awayfuzzlimemzjaxijDemoonInsideHumorParasiteQuietMindIIdanute629li4mst3w4rt
    rsynder336________
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    WalMart may have 5 million underpaid employees, but only two work at checkout here.

    • 688
    • FAVS
    662x3hpb777spiraled_awayfuzzlimeOneLastStrangerLambyMcSheepsbaileydevyn77NatashaNat24
    • 358
    • RETWEETS
    hpb777spiraled_awayOneLastStrangercarmen_tchs2014ianspencer95NatashaNat24DemoonInsideHumorParasite
    AnyaLachae7Nichole_Lindsey
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    I bet I could get away with peeing on the floor at PetsMart.

    • 707
    • FAVS
    grant_saulshpb777vaglaserspiraled_awaymassacredsoulMrTallPaul1hdaniels_00mdpakratt
    • 315
    • RETWEETS
    hpb777spiraled_awayMrTallPaul1tcg_jrzachv86BellaRene1369fuzzlime0223allie
    cheeky__galadamlucidishesananteater
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Lower your standards, a little more....,. there. Now you can relate to my tweets.

    • 680
    • FAVS
    BruceForceXOperfectmessXOgrant_saulshpb777spiraled_awayOutOnTheMoorsOneLastStrangersuperduperish1
    • 275
    • RETWEETS
    XOperfectmessXOhpb777spiraled_awayCeroMackerelOutOnTheMoorsiamabhi3OneLastStrangerHumorParasite
    mohitraj
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    DAM - Mothers Against Dyslexia

    • 695
    • FAVS
    UknoU_wantITJayWhyte27AroundTownHoundScotthobson1hpb777LaniBenoOutOnTheMoorsOneLastStranger
    • 242
    • RETWEETS
    JayWhyte27simply0liScotthobson1hpb777OutOnTheMoorsOneLastStrangerDemoonInsideHumorParasite
    abrosenthalseanmoriartyMVInkdhawaiianBlondAmbitionTOHeatherLuvsYou
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    I'll gladly take a pity star.

    • 666
    • FAVS
    mzjaxijianspencer95NatashaNat24DemoonInsideQuietMindIICasino_DivaGina52263819Slave_4_U
    • 138
    • RETWEETS
    NatashaNat24DemoonInsideCasino_Divajerath90Slave_4_USassyquackerADDChickieli4mst3w4rt
    SteveDutzy
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    If the enemy is in range, so are you.

    • 606
    • FAVS
    amandajpandaShermanPartswhoretinaKellieMounceSaveItForFestfuzzlimeOutOnTheMoorsiamabhi3
    • 190
    • RETWEETS
    SaveItForFestfuzzlimeOutOnTheMoorsOneLastStrangerbetowmxCasino_Divali4mst3w4rtOsceolaHunter
    BrewskerJackieluvsUK
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    "Noah" spoiler alert: they ran out of food and ate the unicorns.

    • 413
    • FAVS
    NatashaNat24HumorParasiteQuietMindIIDJVanEveryGina52263819ADDChickieli4mst3w4rts7u3z
    • 243
    • RETWEETS
    NatashaNat24HumorParasiteDJVanEveryADDChickieli4mst3w4rtpaulablu22just1foolruraljules
    CVTBabymissekay
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    My psychiatrist diagnosed me easily, "Yours is a common enough personality problem - you're obnoxious."

    • 495
    • FAVS
    LambyMcSheeps4eva_quotebetowmxianspencer95rysox80HumorParasiteQuietMindIIGingerJ17
    • 139
    • RETWEETS
    betowmxrysox80HumorParasitebloodcubedGingerJ17li4mst3w4rtOneFunnyMummynoctus69
    nayomeewallace
@wesjohnson8

@wesjohnson8
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Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.