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  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn't doing the same thing.

    • 2,489
    • FAVS
    bo_bindy_cyndiDonna_McCoyTups13TMWrench0463AS0369OutOnTheMoorsJeremywichlaz_NTFG_
    • 1,776
    • RETWEETS
    Donna_McCoy0463AS0369OutOnTheMoorssharonsometimesBoblociceroPopsYoda_NTFG_fluffysafari
    OfficeofSteveBrewskermohitrajclaysummersthentherewasmoTheKenyan_fred_dogrobertseuan______10InchesPlusdeLusticiouslloydrangPlaying_DadquickpooperChipKellysBallsllvvzzzMrsJekyllsHydejjax44TwinTwistedKyrieFayeSunnyGirl1717MasterOfFuryMrToletoneliserose5
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.

    • 2,467
    • FAVS
    FamilyRamblingsDonna_McCoyTups13KingofQueens13OutOnTheMoorsfreedom2726DBwiddaDBTheChickWithThe
    • 1,421
    • RETWEETS
    Donna_McCoyTups13OutOnTheMoorsfreedom2726TheChickWithThe_NTFG_loriellleCraigChamberlin
    DrDweezilalmostapriestMikeZakarianMrsJekyllsHydeKatieBurnettPlaying_DadCVTBabyabrosenthalMascaraBandit10InchesPlus
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    God put men on earth because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

    • 2,089
    • FAVS
    cdnbeaver911Tups13RedoYRedoThatVeryFatGuydragonsoo32_NTFG_fluffysafariParentNormal
    • 1,078
    • RETWEETS
    _NTFG_fluffysafariImsohoppyjewelzfoolzterio1429__lauradru62Ignorant_IndianWongLipJun
    mohitrajnuclearbelle__Social_Mimei_theindianCarolineCaseykillthemessngerllvvzzzginger_xtc__MrToletonBrokenZmileMrPeeker__planetleslie
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Boy at FBI headquarters saw pictures of 10 most wanted men & said, "Why didn't you keep them when you took their picture?"

    • 1,761
    • FAVS
    FamilyRamblingsjust_jennyxDonna_McCoyOutOnTheMoorsjudylp3447ajh_booksdmkumar4_NTFG_
    • 1,044
    • RETWEETS
    WattBwRich_BruklisDonna_McCoyOutOnTheMoorsHXM_RVNMSayDidntDidIt_NTFG_gerrypimm
    KatieBurnettmrt1mGroperClevelandMrsJekyllsHydebrittarnettabrosenthalNinjaFuneral______itswrigley________
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."

    • 1,704
    • FAVS
    ClareMBrown1Tups13_Ms_Moneypenny__NTFG_ParentNormalohfuckitsmegantiReynardkeroseneh
    • 788
    • RETWEETS
    jellytotsrock2Tups13_NTFG_mainneli_torieannesaltCraigChamberlintiReynardkeroseneh
    nigelgodwinLouisGibboholypurgatorybornmiserable
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?" Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

    • 1,509
    • FAVS
    televictim22_sarcophagusDonna_McCoy_Ms_Moneypenny_OutOnTheMoorsParentNormalpHungShwaytiReynard
    • 917
    • RETWEETS
    zinyoulaterDonna_McCoyOutOnTheMoorsfavstar_historyagurlnamedjentorieannesalttiReynardkeroseneh
    CraigChamberlinTheBeerGuy73XAIMMadellynneWindPushedGrassJosesLovesYou_InsanelyNormal__SCBamaManmoreofffmeJP_theAntiHero
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Treat your dog like family or don't have a dog.

    • 1,221
    • FAVS
    teaxstainsnedajsethepoetknightUghNotAgainshakes31471sweetonu3331JTQuestanauribe91
    • 891
    • RETWEETS
    thepoetknightDarkerWillowyasmina2000NorskwegianSuperHerosWifeAyyWebstercami_east_coastgerryhatric
    mohitrajGeoroyoparupaajBlaineBruceEliHansenMusic
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Grown ups ask kids, "What do you want to do when you grow up?" because we're looking for ideas.

    • 1,187
    • FAVS
    alixandra_kJamescoglinRussatsLiaFreudeidiosityDonna_McCoyTups13_Ms_Moneypenny_
    • 713
    • RETWEETS
    alixandra_krileycandrumJay1972JayDonna_McCoySouRgrapeS417_NTFG_torieannesalttiReynard
    GreyPath1ScottBerghorndinokittenTweetTheDude
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    The trouble with lawyer jokes is that lawyers don't think they're funny, & nobody else thinks they're jokes.

    • 1,178
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_ParentNormalHind_HishamkashanacauleytiReynardPagikahhImsohoppygiosagripanti
    • 452
    • RETWEETS
    torieannesalttiReynardImsohoppysee_vaibhavkarenee25iGreenMonkIgnorant_IndianNdeshi_M
    DionneMcNuttmantejrossbransonCarmel_Coleman
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    The best twit followers are intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk or high.

    • 1,107
    • FAVS
    silambu3529O_ladedaSmokingHearts69parupaajTups13_Ms_Moneypenny_hannmartSouRgrapeS417
    • 512
    • RETWEETS
    parupaajSouRgrapeS417_NTFG_Bitch_Killa23uAlphaBallzMeowStorystrSarcasiliciousCLOheadUDS
    madamesnooty______
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Twitter is starting to make sense. Time to up my medication.

    • 1,018
    • FAVS
    parupaajParentNormalPee_And_GigglesImsohoppyKhaleddAhmedsee_vaibhavbrn_jyIgnorant_Indian
    • 407
    • RETWEETS
    parupaajSamaad_AhmedtorieannesaltImsohoppysee_vaibhavbrn_jyiGreenMonkIgnorant_Indian
    TampaBayMommaChipKellysBallsmissekay
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Women play with their hair at traffic lights because they don't have any balls to scratch.

    • 887
    • FAVS
    greggoodman77_freebird99_pocomooreallthingspoeticclintgilchirpypunnuMiniwheats2012ParentNormal
    • 342
    • RETWEETS
    _freebird99_torieannesaltMiniwheats2012ImsohoppyIgnorant_IndianNdeshi_MJohnny23macswapnilgyani
    rsynder336________
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    WalMart may have 5 million underpaid employees, but only two work at checkout here.

    • 714
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_torieannesaltGen22allthingspoeticMiniwheats2012ImsohoppyiGreenMonkIgnorant_Indian
    • 369
    • RETWEETS
    _freebird99_torieannesaltMyrnaLRoyMiniwheats2012Ignorant_IndianKwalk20__Neuronicismmrsmaui
    AnyaLachae7Nichole_Lindsey
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    I bet I could get away with peeing on the floor at PetsMart.

    • 729
    • FAVS
    parupaaj_Ms_Moneypenny__freebird99_pocomooretorieannesaltMiniwheats2012Pee_And_GigglesPagikahh
    • 326
    • RETWEETS
    parupaajtorieannesaltImsohoppysee_vaibhaviGreenMonkIgnorant_IndianpostfetusNdeshi_M
    cheeky__galadamlucidishesananteater
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    Lower your standards, a little more....,. there. Now you can relate to my tweets.

    • 701
    • FAVS
    _freebird99_pocomoorePee_And_GigglesImsohoppyNir9090lauradru62see_vaibhavbrain_omen
    • 291
    • RETWEETS
    _freebird99_torieannesaltImsohoppylauradru62see_vaibhavzero3_benzbrain_omen_kamugisha_
    mohitraj
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    DAM - Mothers Against Dyslexia

    • 707
    • FAVS
    TwoScoopsofpeaMegsDoll_NTFG_Pee_And_Giggleslauradru62Ndeshi_Mdirty_romanticNotJustJack
    • 252
    • RETWEETS
    ItsRaichuraTwoScoopsofpeagreen_babe__NTFG_torieannesaltlauradru62Ndeshi_MDaNaLa13
    abrosenthalseanmoriartyMVInkdhawaiianBlondAmbitionTOHeatherLuvsYou
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    I'll gladly take a pity star.

    • 686
    • FAVS
    Tups13_freebird99_fluffysafariPee_And_Gigglesphalguylauradru62see_vaibhavursacon
    • 150
    • RETWEETS
    _freebird99_torieannesaltfluffysafariphalguysee_vaibhaviGreenMonkIgnorant_Indiansumbodysbabygrl
    SteveDutzy
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    If the enemy is in range, so are you.

    • 629
    • FAVS
    FamilyRamblingsDonna_McCoyfreedom2726Beckygrrl_NTFG_Nickoholic_freebird99_Pee_And_Giggles
    • 207
    • RETWEETS
    Donna_McCoy_NTFG__freebird99_torieannesaltPee_And_Gigglesphalguysee_vaibhavCantTouch__This
    BrewskerJackieluvsUK
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    "Noah" spoiler alert: they ran out of food and ate the unicorns.

    • 438
    • FAVS
    FamilyRamblingsravenquoteMalefmokDonna_McCoyfreedom2726erinshina_freebird99_torieannesalt
    • 253
    • RETWEETS
    Donna_McCoy_freebird99_torieannesaltMissG07sunnysingh90210parupaajre_petedpHungShway
    CVTBabymissekay
  • wesjohnson8
      WJ @wesjohnson8

    My psychiatrist diagnosed me easily, "Yours is a common enough personality problem - you're obnoxious."

    • 510
    • FAVS
    Tups13_freebird99_Pee_And_Giggleslauradru62Ignorant_Indian_KizzzyNdeshi_Mdirty_romantic
    • 150
    • RETWEETS
    _freebird99_torieannesaltlauradru62Ignorant_Indian_KizzzyNdeshi_Mlucy_nyholm123BkGeo718
    NaomiGlitter
@wesjohnson8

@wesjohnson8
Pro

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.