Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
My co-workers are loud this morning so I pulled out my bull horn. Challenge accepted bitches.
I know Jewish people can be funny. BUT CAN THEY SING?! (thoughts that wake me up at 3:00 am)
I drive with my mirror down so I can look at myself the whole time. Just in case you're wondering what kind of person you're dealing with.
Sometimes when someone tells me I'm full of heart I respond with, wish I was full of dick instead.
It's like this person who's been waiting for my parking spot doesn't even appreciate my 20 minute selfie photo shoot.
I'd like to thank tonight for reminding me I'm too old for this shit.
Protein is the new pumpkin spice everything.
Sorry. I can't help you. I'm in the middle of sipping my Starbucks and being pretentious.
LOL! You couldn't hit that if you were Muhammad Ali.
If I feel any lonelier I'm gonna start canning.
Wish I had something nice to look at when I run.
Just kidding. I have the Atlantic Ocean.
Sucks when the dog's getting laid more than you.
"If you force a shut down your work will be lost" haha. Jokes on you. I didn't do any work today.
I'll show my boobs if it's going to get me what I want.
Teens turn nice mommies into nasty bitches.