Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I miss you like Tina Turner misses Ike.
I'll defrost your meat.
Me: whistles at hot landscaper.
Daughter: the level of embarrassment with you is astounding.
<<<<goes to Walmart just to feel pretty.
At this point, Mother Nature is taking over Karma's bitchiness.
When you refer to your car as your "baby". Nope.
<<<<<will never be the bigger person.
I think just thinking about going to the gym is worth at least 400 calories.
Oh, go fuck your wife. Asshole.
"Go hard or go home"
Apparently saying, "my vagina will miss you" isn't an acceptable goodbye. Pfft.
It's almost like I'm not even from NJ for how much I hate the Yankees.
When someone who had my kid all day tells me she was awesome the first question I ask is, "you know who my kid is right?".
Second rule of grocery shopping club: Only have kids so they can cut the Sunday paper coupons for you.
SORRY I can only like your IG photos of pizza if it's from NY OR NJ. Otherwise, nope.
When my friend's drunk she starts talking about saggy balls.
Just kidding. It's me.
I'm sorry. I can't hear you over my awesomeness.
You should change your avi. So I can throw darts at that one too.