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No. I haven't sent out Christmas cards yet. Shut up.
Is it ok to ask someone to SHUT THE FUCK UP FOREVER as my Christmas gift?
Little kids and senior citizens who curse like truckers..............................these are a few of my favorite things.
Vicodin really makes me horny. Wtf? Ok. A lot of stuff makes me horny. But Vicodin is number 1 right now.
HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW AFRICA IS NOT A COUNTRY?!! This is why I live in the US. Dur. I'm pretty.
Every breath you take. Every move you make. Every step you take, I'll be watching you..
I only crash wedding CEREMONIES so I can be the one who stands up and objects. I'm just trying to make the world better people.
"Strung out, a little bit hazy. Hand over heart, I'm praying that I'm gonna make it out alive"
Adam Levine. But with more nudity.
Get the fuck out is the way I feel sometimes when my kids are home.
Congratulations! You've been friend zoned. - The inside of my Christmas cards I'm sending out.
All of my tweets ARE tweet your life.
Parenting tip: If they call you mom, all is ok. If they call you mommy watch out, they want something and it's gonna cost you.
This tow truck in front of me is single handedly ruining the environment.