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Fuck your sense of humor and how hot you are when you're sticking a needle in my toe.
Dear Men: Either you can fix it yourself or you can afford to pay someone to fix it. There is no fucking in-between.
And today I am extra thankful for shirtless construction workers.
My mom turned 70.
8: *real serious* It's amazing you can walk Nana.
Alright, who's the shining star that decided it'd be a brilliant idea to put Chinese men in pornos?
It's like people don't even appreciate the treasures you can find in a dollar store.
Me to male Spanish Co-Worker: What's up shorty?
CW: No, No, a male is the boo. A female is the shorty.
Me: I'm so white.
CW: Extra white
You guys sure are given lots of fucking lemons.
I'm over here *working all diligently and shit and my co-worker is looking up bugs on the internet. The fuck?
If you're going to make fun of Rihanna, at least spell her name correctly. Assholes.
Me to 8: Why did you hit your sister?
8: I wanted to see if she's a wussy. She is and a tattletale.
A stripper always says she's the bartender.
Some day my ship will come. With a few holes and no engine.