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It was a sad day when free love went viral.
My dog just pissed on someone's leg at the park.
You can't teach that.
The upside of being bloody useless is that I found my credit card before I got around to cancelling it.
Score for procrastination.
Would the speech in Braveheart have been less stirring if the movie had been called The Adventures of Willy Wally & Friends? Who's to say...
"We could, um, add another blade?"
"........ Ok fuck it, let's go with that. We've got nothing else."
- the Gillette innovations dept
The Crusaders tighthead, Nepo Laulala, sounds like two Teletubbies.
The importance of punctuation:
Iron Maiden = band
Iron, maiden! = instruction
I you had a pair of tiny little popguns you wouldn't parade them around, would you?
So please, buy a shirt with sleeves.