When I saw you hashtag your Facebook status I deleted, blocked, drove to your house killed your cat, & stole your dog.

“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you.....

So I was gonna text "Miss you" but then I decided you're being a dick for not doing it first...so now I'm telling my tweeps on you

My son gave me three Snickers and my daughter gave me one....guess that means he loves me three times as much?

Goodnight Moon....I mean twitter <3

When you see a woman buying 6 bottles of wine at the grocery on Christmas I hope you think "yep this lady knows how to be single & happy."

I am so wealthy I now own a microwave :) take that!

I'm not a whore in real life....but I play one on Twitter....if I was one in real life it would only be for you....no not you! Only you!

Who came up with the rule of only allowed to have hair on head, eyebrows, and eyelashes? If I have to wax one more thing I'm gonna lose it.

Wrestled my daughter to the sofa jumped on top of her and shared her burrito lucky me :)

My daughter gives me a homemade card today so beautiful huge flower on front. I open it and on inside it says "sorry I wrecked your vag :("

If my heart were shattered in millions of pieces and I walked the earth gently gathering them and collecting them in my hand....

I'm so healthy today...my champagne has vitamins a & c calcium and iron...which reminded me to take my multi-vitamin. ;)

Drowning in chocolate vino thank God

Him: What're you doing?
Me: uhm
Him: I'm gonna have to get me a Twitter so I know what you're doing
Me: No Twitter isn't very interesting

My son's birthday is tomorrow he asked for a new xbox 360. To which I replied "think cheap". He replied okay I'll have a Panda.

Okay I need to get up these panties aren't going to parade themselves around and those Margaritas aren't going to make themselves

I checked Facebook and threw my phone on the floor of the passenger seat because I am sick of hearing how perfectly in love you all are.

Now strawberry wine bad day almost behind me.

This day should have more booze.