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My daughter gives me a homemade card today so beautiful huge flower on front. I open it and on inside it says "sorry I wrecked your vag :("
This day should have more booze.
When I saw you hashtag your Facebook status I deleted, blocked, drove to your house killed your cat, & stole your dog.
Happy Father's Day to all the fathers, mothers, & men (that stand up regardless of bio) picking up the slack for the fathers not available.
So I was gonna text "Miss you" but then I decided you're being a dick for not doing it first...so now I'm telling my tweeps on you
*Attaches broken heart to sleeve
“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you.....
Goodnight Moon....I mean twitter <3
If my heart were shattered in millions of pieces and I walked the earth gently gathering them and collecting them in my hand....
My son gave me three Snickers and my daughter gave me one....guess that means he loves me three times as much?