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My son gave me three Snickers and my daughter gave me one....guess that means he loves me three times as much?
My daughter gives me a homemade card today so beautiful huge flower on front. I open it and on inside it says "sorry I wrecked your vag :("
This day should have more booze.
When I saw you hashtag your Facebook status I deleted, blocked, drove to your house killed your cat, & stole your dog.
Happy Father's Day to all the fathers, mothers, & men (that stand up regardless of bio) picking up the slack for the fathers not available.
So I was gonna text "Miss you" but then I decided you're being a dick for not doing it first...so now I'm telling my tweeps on you
*Attaches broken heart to sleeve
“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you.....
Goodnight Moon....I mean twitter <3
If my heart were shattered in millions of pieces and I walked the earth gently gathering them and collecting them in my hand....