You're not a procrastinator until you go to wash clothes at the laundrymat barefoot and holding a hand towel over your naughty bits.

Having sex with a pregnant hooker is not the three way I was looking for.

Are midgets allowed to say 'Get on my level'?

I like how you think. It's gross and obscure but it's something I find beautiful.

I'm single and ready to fucking Christian Mingle.

If you wear socks with sandals, make sure they're miss matched socks. It's not like you're trying to impress anybody anyway.

I got a twitter account to fuck around and meet new people and laugh. And now I know the meaning of life.

If you think chocolate is just as good or better than sex, you are probably fat and disgusting.

Pony-I'm a one trick pony.
Me-Whoa!! No shit for real? Wow!!! What is it?
Pony-Is what?
Me-Your trick.
Pony-I can talk.
Me-Oh...

Good Rock makes me drive fast, wanna fight/start riots, ride roller coasters. Rap makes me walk funny, holla at bitches and ruin my credit.

Old people looking the happiest.
Young people, the saddest.
I blame MTV. Good music is still out there. Find it....and find you!

At a real crossroads in my life debating who's the ugliest woman on this show, Dog the Bounty Hunter or her life partner?

This face alone has broken several hearts...two fingers, a hand, and a wrist once.

Before we play checkers, I will inform you that I know where your kids go to school and their dance class schedules. Good luck.

Never bring a knife to a pillow fight, or so I've been told.



Apparently I have a temper.

I follow people back 'cuz they humor me or I've been caught on an unusually nice day. NOT because I'm on some ragtag team.

Ladies, you really need to get over the word ma'am. Ever think that's how some people are raised to show respect even to women the same age.

My little cousin wanted a pony at her birthday. Called my friend who books donkey shows...seemed ok at the time. I'm not good with children.

I don't know what's more pathetic...these dumb bitches waving outside the background of the Today Show or me too lazy to find the remote.

Just because I follow you don't mean we are friends! It means we are best friends.
Now let's get matching leprechaun tattoos!