"California is like the hot blonde high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart." - @adamcarolla

Ha! One of Adam Carolla's (@adamcarolla) greatest rants on why L.A. and California sucks compared to every other state. http://t.co/PDmImIjd

Lando and Kirk and J.J. Abrams all at once?!  http://youtu.be/sDkC_EkEUCg  (via @jimmykimmel)

I feel like this is a chapter of R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" music video. #catfish

If you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married.

I don't want to live in this world anymore.  http://bit.ly/RvF8xC 

If you go to San Francisco and you don't take a picture in front of the Full House house then why even go?

Females: If you want equality in the workplace then when the Titanic sinks it's no longer "women and children on the boats first".

I am not joking, if I were on The Price is Right and someone bet $1 more than me I would punch them in the face.

Me: Do you like my shirt?
Girl: I like it because it covers your body.

Just texted "Are you mad at me?" to 10 random numbers in co-worker's phone. Now, we wait.

Even Honey Boo Boo's mom found love. I'm doomed!

Don't worry guys. If you forget to say "pika" before someone sneezes, you can always say "bacca" after.

I'm done. Someone needs to start a parody account for Nev's chest hair though. That idea is free. You're welcome. #catfishreunion

This season finale of #Catfish better be good. This chick better be a dude or a clan leader. I want a surprise ending.

How in the hell did Jason Sudeikis convince Olivia Wilde to marry him?

About to hit round 200 on Draw Something with somebody in case you guys were wondering how single I am.

Just saw a music video featuring The Rascal Flatts and Justin Bieber. 2012 is going to suck.

Headed to Target in a Smurf t-shirt and pajama pants because America.

@elenacauthen Angel > Spike