@wickedamy's most faved Tweets...
Sure you can stick your chicken in a duck in a turkey but when I pour my vodka into a beer & pop a vicodin, all of a sudden I have issues.
If by Christmas spirit you mean topless, drunk, and horny, then yes - yes I am in the Christmas spirit. Thank you baby Jesus.
Signed into Facebook so I could find out where everyone will be this weekend. I now have my list of places to avoid. Strategery, folks.
I picked my 6 year old up 15 minutes ago and have heard the word "mom" 47 times. Related: I like beer.
I'd rather have these dorks at work stare at my cleavage than talk to me. My boobs are in on it too.
Everytime I walk around the block and see the back of my house from the next street, it reminds me neighbors have all seen me naked.
Its not my fault I drive like a crazy bitch to work. Its because this 25 minute drive doesn't fit into these 10 minutes like they should.
Forehead Zit update: My man said I look like a Klingon. I told him I guess there goes his dreams of getting a blowjob from a Klingon.
Dear Neighbor: I hope you enjoyed my boobs as much as I enjoyed rubbing lotion on them. Reminder to self: Close blinds before showering.
Hey Einstein. If you argue with me for 30 mins that we do not need a fucking mediator, chances are we need a fucking mediator.
I would like this conference call to occur in person once so everyone could witness the hatred and disgust on my face. And my middle finger.
Even though I feel white and blonde...I'm still white and blonde and damn fuckers, people pay good money for that shit.
6yo (falling asleep): Mommy would you eat a worm for $1000? Me: Yes, I would sweetie. Would you? 6yo: I'd eat it for $10. --(That's my boy!)
My facebook friends are taking a quiz: What random object are you?
I assume their results will be either "douchebag" or "gaping asshole".
I assume their results will be either "douchebag" or "gaping asshole".
I think I just gave Starbucks a blowjob. I'm sticky, wet, smell like pumpkin spice, and have crust in my hair. #spilledmyfuckingcoffee
Me: *yelling at dog to put his red thing back in* 6yo: "Mom, he's not in charge of that. It just falls out."
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