CNN "Moammar Gadhafi now has one less place to pitch his tent." That was an intentional laugh line, right? Otherwise I'm a 12 yr old boy.

Spent 10min marveling @ how much bigger my head looks w/curly hair. Related: This cold medicine may have some side effects.

If misplaced commas bother you that much you should really follow someone else. I'm the kind of person who will just wildly punctuate.

I have a Sarah Palin Vogue. Don't laugh, it's an INVESTMENT! I can plan my retirement around it, like Beanie Babies. STOP laughing! bastards

UNfollowed a ton of people and am a better Twitterperson for it.

Oddly full of hope, happiness & love for mankind! Wait, I know those signs. This can only mean one thing...disaster looms!

I think Twtter needs to add a 'Ban & Bitchslap' button for those times when blocking just isn't enough.

I feel a strange sense of pride because I have no clue what this 'pants on the ground' thing is all about. I should be proud, right?

Dante was wrong. There are actually 18 circles of hell and it's a par 72.

Oh, excuse me. The rainbows and moonbeams shooting out of my ass woke me. A few Tums should fix that...Otherwise, kill me.

Al Sharpton ruined This Week's Roundtable for me. Even the simplest facts seem to elude him. Stick to rousing speeches, Reverend.

I suspect Gadhafi and Hugo Chavez have the same speech writer.

Mary Matalin/CNN: "Bill Clinton arguably had more authentic black American experience than Barack Obama." Look on Carville's face=priceless

All I wanted from the Sotomayor hearings was for the Republicans not to make idiots of themselves. And then they let Lindsey Graham speak...

I've decided that when civilization collapses the thing I'll miss the most is wet wipes.

I VOW to recommit myself to learning the ukulele. I love it but I spend so much pointless time on crap that I don't like even 1/2 as much.

each evening I pinch off a bit of night blooming jasmine & hang it above my bed & as I sleep I hope to dream of the sea

I feel woozy, I think I got too hot. Someone bring me a beer. I mean a popsicle. Do they make beersicles? If not, they should.

I'm so vain, the song really is about me! I can't stop looking at myself in the mirror today.

Time to stop stalling & face the day.

Now!

Okay, now.

Now?

...

Oh hell, I'm going back to bed.