When you smell a fart don't instantly look for the fat person first search out the vegan b/c it probably was that stinky fucker

Tom & Jerry sucks because Tom doesn't show his asshole But I'm still going to masturbate to it

Painting my uncircumcised penis orange and dyeing my pubes green in hopes of tricking one of the vegan chicks to put it in their mouth

What would happen if we pushed our buttholes together firmly then farted at the same time?

When your asshole is really itchy and nothing you do can make it stop that's me thinking of you

I don't want to have sex with you, I just want you to talk dirty to me while this homeless guy gives me a BJ

My giggles turned into cries as I got cum in my eyes

Hey ladies I made you a penis butter sandwich.... Come and get it!

I couldn't get my pants back on with a raging boner so I just hung my pants on it and now I'm being escorted out of the store

Just sitting on twitter tryin to get my dick wet everybody

Manpon: Folded piece of absorbent material placed between the ass cheeks to absorb anal seepage to prevent the occurrence of mud butt

Every time I see that one of you gave or got a trophy on favstar it's just you rich people shoving it in us poor peoples faces assholes

If you would just stop pooping in the same water you drink from you wouldn't have dirty drinking water, so no I will not give you a dollar

If you haven't aggressively opened a fruit snack had it fall on the floor next to the trash picked it up and ate that shit fuck you

Thank you front facing camera for making it possible for me to properly shave under by balls, taint, and asshole!

If you don't use your real picture in your avi you are A) Fat B) Ugly C) have a criminal record D) all of the above

I appreciate your pity stars just like I appreciate your pity fucks thank you

Going to a bachelor party tonight so I promise you all I will do my best to make this marriage fail before it even starts

Mom can I have my twitter friends over to play tonight?

Before it was popular to shave your pubes I had to curl mine every morning so I wouldn't be that weird white guy with strait pubes