Never know which girl I will end up with at the end of the night once my girlfriend starts to drink red wine. Porn star or serial killer.

When I close my eyes. I am somewhere with you

Because the people at Golden Corral are not fat enough, cotton candy and chocolate fountain.

Wonders at what point I turned that corner and became the creepy guy at the bar, damn it.

It is amazing sometimes how even when we don't think so, someone else struggles with the same things you do.

My gf ask me if she should follow me on twitter.

I said, nah prolly not a good idea.

When did buying a toothbrush become so difficult. Spin, pulse, ribs. These all sound like sex toys.

My biggest accomplishment of the day may be walking past those donuts without eating one.

Please send me some more birthday request on FB.

I actually pulled off this comment last night. "the outfit makes you look sorta fat".

I am buying lotto tickets today.

Only a couple things I am really picky about, my ladies and my donuts.

Never mind, just my donuts.

Looking for a new twitter crush. My current one will not answer her front door. What a bitch.

Is this thing working? ~ me after every tweet

I had nothing to say yesterday and I did what most of you can't seem to accomplish.

Did not tweet.

It's like a game, how long can I stay in bed and still make my first meeting on time.

I would have more followers if I had a cool Santa hat in my avi.......

And boobs.

I often stay up late and think about my twitter crush with the beautiful long hair and nice boobs.

I wonder what he is doing right now.

Don't tell me that you love me, show me.

Nothing I hate more than cleaning my bathroom.

Looking for live-in girlfriend, please send pics of your cleaning supplies.

If you want to have anon account, that is cool but please don't try to pull me into your make believe life. I do not have time for that.