Notice that no arsenal players ever get caught having affairs? That's because male escorts are a lot more discreet @mufcfans.

Asking a celeb for a RT on your birthday is like asking Spur for an extra sparkler in your ice cream while you sit alone at the table crying

Darren Scott has been spotted handing his "Racist of the year" award over to Jessica Leandra in the parking lot of Benoni Pick n Pay.

I'm only seeing Liverpool fans having comments. Go get a box of crayons and draw yourselves a cup that you can stare at.

Breaking: Chelsea launch complaint against the match ball for tripping Sturridge racially #ManUtd #MUFC.

The speed which a woman says "nothing" when asked "what's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the shit storm that's coming.

#Dear6yearoldself Ironically you can't read this.

Dear Lord. Please give me the opportunity to show you that winning the lotto won't change me.

Ladies... pic.twitter.com/lUYn6yMVdf

I hope this isn't true. pic.twitter.com/nCStefOF3E

September has come to an end. Someone go wake up Green Day.

The Kloof SPCA needs your help. Especially for Dbn peeps. pic.twitter.com/7htwgER7yt

For people who complain about religion being shoved down people's throats atheists sure do shove atheism down people's throats even more

@just_sharks I've seen loads of George Michael and Elton John t-shirts around Dbn today. Wp fans here already?

My week on twitter: 24 spelling errors, 5 deleted tweets, 274 dry tweets with no mention, 12 pity retweets, 2 mentions telling me to shut up

"If your house is hit by a dolphin, do NOT go out to check if the dolphin is ok. That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside."

Soon we'll be able to sue unfollowers. The mental anguish and embarrassment after I tell everyone that you unfollowed me. Now pay up

Retards. Either attention seeking idiots or extreme ignorance and racism. pic.twitter.com/KgN0zThU

Are you not entertained? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!? -When my tweets aren't retweeted

"They say Man United's new kit looks like a table cloth. But where does a table cloth belong? On top of the table" #ManUtd #MUFC