@witsdom's (Psst Psst) most faved Tweets...
In the beginning there was nothing. And God said, “Let there be light.”, and there was still nothing; but everybody could see it.
"Hey, you, little guy. What's the name of that German guy who hides everything from me?" Alzheimer, grandpa, Alzheimer.
When life gives you lemons, you have to ask your neighbor for sugar and water, because life always gives better things to your neighbors.
When I get married I'm going to tell the priest that I want to leave the "Til death do us apart" part out, because I'm a necrophiliac.
Whenever I see a stripper dacing around a pole, I can’t help but worry that one day a fireman's going to land on her head.
*Kid pees in pants* - Mom, mom... I had an 'accident'. - Oh, don't worry! I once had an accident too... And now it pisses all over itself.
Crap, I sat down before I realized that the remote is on the opposite side of the room. Night = Ruined.
Martin Luther King said we can't separate the whites from the colors, but now my white shirts are all pink. Fuck.
My mom and dad told me to always carry a condom for protection. But that guy with the knife didn't seem too worried about it.
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