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Love segwaying from bits about my nephew to jerking off while eating deli sandwiches.
Today we salute all the women who fell the for "Just the Tip" line.
Four grown men desperately trying to figure out if anyone's sober enough to drive to Taco Bell for breakfast. Spoiler alert: no one was :-(
My friendships are slowly dying.
I'm all for personal growth and feeling better, Gimme a burger and a beer any day over all of that.
Booze: Brandon, you need a new SLAM PIECE.
Me: No, no I really don't. Now shut up; I'm trying to watch The Walking Dead.
Wanna remember how dumb you used to be? Look at your FB posts from 7 years ago like.
Apparently me saying 'I'm not gonna fuck her' is akin to Garfield saying 'I'm not gonna eat lasagna'.
A great drink is like a great friend; Really sweet, make you smile, and in the end, helps get you drunk.