@wordtoyourmom's (W.T. Mom) most faved Tweets...
My dad turns 69 today. Which is really tough for me, because I don't think I'm allowed to make the obvious joke in this situation.
Was just called "Sir" by the checkout girl. And that's the story of how I threw away all of my baseball caps.
Some days you're the windshield. And some days you're the guy who crosses the street when I'm leaning over to pick up my iPod.
The staff at my local thai takeout place now recognizes my voice when I call. Which is a) awesome and b) more than I can say for my father.
Upstairs neighbor is blasting a Poison album. Not sure whether to bang on the ceiling with a broom or roll around on the hood of his car.
Won't go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for "spider life span" reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
When I start to trip and fall, I just turn it into a dance. "Sorry, but the funk could not be contained." And then people think I'm fun.
I am now the proud owner of a dress that can only be described as "what your grandmother would wear, if your grandmother was a hooker."
Ah, Thanksgiving. A time when the entire family can gather together around a table and ask me why I'm not married yet.
Doctor prescribed a bedtime muscle relaxer, and judging by the drool puddle on my desk, I'm not sure it's worn off yet. Oh look! Unicorns!
Giving my house a thorough cleaning before guests come. Or, as some may call it, throwing all my shit in the bedroom and locking the door.
My bare foot just came in contact with a McDonald's bathroom floor. Dilemma: Do I amputate *now* or just wait until it rots off on it's own?
I believe it was when I got in my car to drive 25 minutes for organic cat food, that I realized my life had taken a very very wrong turn.
When life hands me lemons, I get so annoyed because I've told Life, like, 10,000 times that I prefer white cheddar cheetos.
Watering my plants everyday could spoil them. And the last thing I want is a bunch of jerks who think everything in life is handed to them.
When Funky Cold Medina comes on the office radio, I can only promise to remain professional from the neck up.
I have 45 minutes of unbillable time today, which I have to record on my timesheet as "eating donuts."
Tip: To have your favorites shown faster, follow @favstar