I thought I'd give nude tweeting a try but I just feel awkward. Maybe I should've waited till I got home?

Dammit, it's me foiled by me, again.

I'm new to twitter, has anyone told the stiffy joke yet?

My sarcasmy senses are tingling (hey, I've just invented a new word... Sarcasmy (noun).

The irreverence of twitter is profound.

My spirit animal is whiskey.

You haven't really had the full twitter experience until you've blocked your first religious nutcase.

Off to work, why can't I have a trust fund & tweet all day... Like the rest of you.

My buddies are jamming Sympathy for the devil in the next room... fucking old hippies.

Inspirational tweet = clinical depression.

I meant to offend religious types with that last tweet because good Christians have to forgive me... suckers.

Twitter, it's full of funny, insightful, righteous motherfuckers (there's a few dickheads too).


...like me.

Can you tell if someone's been starfucked by the way they walk?

I'm starting to like my twitter friends more than my imaginary RL friends.

Remember, tweet away that depression.

Team America is the late movie tonight ...Fuck Yeah.

My tweeting arm is tired.

The exploited underpaid worker that made this iPad I'm tweeting from did a fine job.

Next time I get debriefed I hope it has more to do with underpants.

Watching Lake Placid 2 on tv, starring 'Bo Duke'.

So it's come to this.