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Yoga's over. Grown men wept at my downward facing dog. YOU SHALL KNOW ME BY MY TRAIL OF LYCRA.
Breaking News: Fracking decision confirms UK now officially being governed by Bond villains.
NHS. Envied all over the world, broken up for scrap by greedy conmen for a quick buck. And the BBC looked the other way. #brokenbritain
Long story. Anyone know how to get vomit out of a rambler?
And so Jeremy Hunt Hunt begins the Ministerial dance of death, also known as the Liam Fox-Trot.
Given suspected government surveillance future tweets will be made via dead letter drop. Further details in one hour.
There was a young couple in the park. They smelled real good. I think they thought I was a bit off. The way I was sniffing them and all.
Tory MPs investigating bankers is like Terry Venables investigating Harry Redknapp.
My students often ask what I do when I'm not solutionising. Truth is, I never stop solutionising.
For the Jubilee we had glamour and glitz, to mark 60 years on benefits. The Duke had a problem with his pee, and we resurrected slavery.
Market research showing Cameron still performing strongly to his key demographic - top hatted obese arms dealers.
Breaking: Jobseekers to be used to test cyclists' steroids ahead of London 2012. Lord Coe said: "We can't risk giving athletes bad drugs."
Breaking News: Jobseekers to give handjobs to visiting dignitaries during Olympics.
Breaking News: Government will reveal new crime policy (as soon as News International tells them what it is).
Hey Cameron. Yo momma is so politically adrift she need a boathook to scratch her ass. And her ass is big. Sho 'nuff.
'Spect I will dominate yoga again this morning. My man-o-tard smells of 'win'.
Olympics Organisers. With all these US CIA guys coming over in the summer, are you sure we've got enough prostitutes?
How come Russian arms dealer Viktor Bout is a "Merchant of Death" whilst the arms dealers Cameron tools about with are "businessmen"?
The man giving me change in the fruit shop had coarse hands. I made no comment on this.
Just went to the park. Interacted with some human beings.
Lounge act; career criminal; narcissist; punctual. I'd be perfect for your room.