Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
If I haven't followed you back it's because I mistook you for a porn bot & you should really stop putting out such a porn bot vibe.
The hardest part of meeting new people is deciding which version of myself I should be around them.
Whenever I think I've written a truly brilliant tweet, I just sit and wait for the tweet thief police to show up and arrest me.
Not really a do-gooder. More of a do-not-so-mucher.
I lack the ability to watch a movie without reading about it on IMDB the whole time.
Wow! 0.0000000000000000000003% of the world's population follows me!
My goal is to rise to the top and takeover twitter but only one thing stands in my way: my inability to be funny and/or interesting.
Help me out here.
Does "blowing chunks" mean vomiting or fellatio for fatties?
My ex-husband would be super pissed if he knew I was giving you guys gold stars for the stuff I divorced him over.
I know there's a lot of pain & heartache in the world, but I think I could deal with it better if I had perfectly toned abs.
Why don't we just shoot all of earth's garbage into a black hole? Let the other dimensions deal with it.
When he said he likes everything but sex, I should've known that 'but' had two Ts.
He googled me and yet I felt nothing.
Let's turn old cliches into clever jokes until we all end up wanting to sex each other & let's do this all day, every day forever.
I was typing a word and my iPhone thought it was a different word. Oh my gosh! It was so funny. You had to be there.
If I ever get the opportunity to name a street I'm definitely naming it Goa Way.
I'll just check twitter real fast.
...6 hours later...
Just ate a roll of SweetTarts like it's my job and I'm the boss of said job and now I'm gonna have to take a sick day because my tummy hurts
Sounds like hell is really into segregation with all its special places.
Once a month I am attracted to men and women. I call it my bicycle.
If I write the greatest bio of all time then everyone will love me.