8 Life lessons from a not quite 40 year old - I’m 38 and 9/12ths years old. Here’s my background story in 30... http://t.co/KrlZASAx

If you’re a man and your solution for fertility, birth control or abortions does not involve your own scrotum & penis? Shut the fuck up.

Dear Melbournites: Do you know this building? http://t.co/rnDhetOt

Valentine's Day is like religion. It's ok if you're not into it, just don't go out of your way to spoil someone's day.

@JeniScagnetti You mean it isn't the highway version of slamming your trunk into my junk as a way to say hello on the dance-floor?

All I want for Christmas is an anonymous, rich, supportive, benefactor ...

and world peace.

Me: Can I send you the document in electronic form?
Them: No, we need a physical copy so we can scan it into our system
Me: o_O

#general_non_specific_angsty_ranty_outcry_of_dissatisfaction_aimed_at_everything_and_nothing_in_particular_in_first_world_style

Dear life, for future reference, when I express a desire to pay off a sleep debt, a 4 day migraine induced coma is not what I meant.

Give me an I! give me a N! give me a S! give me an O! give me a M! give me a N! give me an I! give me A FRACKING HOUR'S SLEEP!

I sometimes wonder if my flatulence is the cause of the so called "butterfly effect" chaos theorists talk about ...
#bigstorms #verywindy

OH in toilet block: "Dear god! It stinks in here!"

Now, what were they expecting? Did they think they were walking into a perfume lab?

Hello insomnia my old friend, I've come to panic with you again, Because a vision softly creeping, Left its seeds while I tried sleeping ...

Things I need today: More time, more money, more coffee
Things likely to be achieved: less time, less money, more coffee.

#tassietrip Mole caves, stared at glow worms, tasted multiple bee vomit flavours, xplored a salmon farm & an antique shop, checked in2 pub

I'm on a boat! Well, ok, I'm in the longest car queue in the world trying to get onto the boat ...

Just a reminder: the only consultants who make money from hindsight?

Psychologists and Historians.

@JeniScagnetti You know me so well ...

I've noticed that over time, the predominant sounds coming out of the nearby restroom cubicles seem 2b digital rather than organic in nature

Day #13933 of #occupyLardAss and those fat cell protestors are not showing any sign of walking away from my ass.