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  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    "I can't believe white people believe this shit" - Ancient Chinese Proverb

    • 557
    • FAVS
    Anton_EllerlasaccadeAmandasNotFunnyHermannDeandnsbtySir_Scoop________MerAngelLindseyEllison2
    • 291
    • RETWEETS
    minealone6AmandasNotFunnySir_Scoop________LindseyEllison2thealterzHoudiniSorciniASpikerZxqcv
    Cpeez_____________
  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    Being popular on Twitter is like being famous in Canada.

    • 232
    • FAVS
    AnotherDamnLisavolksorflacrossemom5kimwilliamzCopulatermanevilpatrickGregHenchmanpowerfulshampoo
    • 146
    • RETWEETS
    volksorfkimwilliamzCopulatermanAmandasNotFunnychelseadaggr______PhinallyHerethemcgillicutty__MontaquesJuliet
    another_lisa
  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    The Mayan Calendar doesn't really stop at 2012, they just ran out of sexy firefighters.

    • 253
    • FAVS
    CopulatermanGregHenchmanWar_BaconAmandasNotFunnyLindseyEllison2tipseybartender___drunkengingerF0ll0w_Me_L0ve____
    • 90
    • RETWEETS
    War_BaconAmandasNotFunnytipseybartender__LaContentaVidaF0ll0w_Me_L0ve____slappinbutts______funTweetersdivadeb99
    AmandasNotFunny
  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    One thing I'm going to miss when I'm a ghost is the touch, the feel, of cotton. Unless it's also the fabric of our afterlives.

    • 237
    • FAVS
    CopulatermanGregHenchmanAmandasNotFunnyAndreaSilas2Phassionistanight_maherdivadeb99Awk0Tacoo
    • 60
    • RETWEETS
    AmandasNotFunnydivadeb99Awk0TacooPaperWashbengulateducksthoughtsScarletSleepySluttyMuslim
    musky86
  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    A lottery ticket is the best gift for someone who likes to be disappointed twice.

    • 227
    • FAVS
    GregHenchmanAmandasNotFunnyPhassionistaAwk0TacooPaperWashthealterzJennaloveshpthebeavs
    • 67
    • RETWEETS
    PaperWashthealterznataliaelshoopahoepBaxterbixLisabug74AmJamRobbieShorley____
  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    Just saw a dude in baggy pants, sunglasses, and gold chains order a soy latte. Lactose Intolerance 1: Gangstas 0.

    • 183
    • FAVS
    No1ILoveLucyFanHASDayskimwilliamzCopulatermanGregHenchmanAmandasNotFunnyPhassionistaAwk0Tacoo
    • 49
    • RETWEETS
    kimwilliamzCopulatermanPaperWashthealterzladyk1921potatus_maximusItsRainmanhoopahoep
    C3Ballin__
  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    Last night someone threw a condom at me onstage. I've never felt so endangered and protected at the same time.

    • 175
    • FAVS
    CopulatermanGregHenchmanAmandasNotFunnyPhassionistaAwk0TacooPaperWashsociablemonkeyJennaloveshp
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    PaperWashsociablemonkeyTheRandySutraLisabug74NiceShoesWannaF__u_jellicentGioSayHeymadrigrober
    1800Randy
  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    I'm getting older... I only wanna rock n roll half the night, and party every other day.

    • 155
    • FAVS
    GregHenchmanAmandasNotFunnyMrJeremyHornPhassionistaAwk0TacooCourtCostPaperWashsociablemonkey
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    misstbikiniMrJeremyHornDrTechensteintwelephonePaperWashsociablemonkeythealterzMicroshak
  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    No Shave November, Occupy Wallstreeters, No NBA basketball... it's like the whole country turned into Seattle.

    • 132
    • FAVS
    GregHenchmanAmandasNotFunnyAwk0TacooPaperWashJenny4ashleyNickKuyatsilverbreezeydaemonic3
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    AmandasNotFunnyPaperWashbrianeatsbaconwhat_the_hechtfavstar1000favseliserose5ccnomadpat_hm
  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    I bet getting a Brazilian wax in Brazil is like going to the space needle when you live in Seattle, you only do it when people come to visit

    • 153
    • FAVS
    GregHenchmanAmandasNotFunnyAwk0TacooPaperWashNiceShoesWannaF__Jenny4ashleysilverbreezeydaemonic3
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    AmandasNotFunnyPaperWashSirFlushaLotTheCiscoKiddereliserose5jasonlight73favstar1000favsannssister
  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    When I see the exact same car as mine I like to imagine my long lost twin is driving it. Good job twin, on not being more successful than me

    • 154
    • FAVS
    CopulatermanGregHenchmanAmandasNotFunnyAwk0TacooCourtCostPaperWashNiceShoesWannaF__Jenny4ashley
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    PaperWashmadrigroberSirFlushaLotTrickii420smiley_blu__FilthyMcMasters__neutralmilk_EHGrind_n_Roll
  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    "I don't play Reindeer games" - profile on Reindeer dating site

    • 138
    • FAVS
    JollyReprobatePaulThaddeustacomacomedyAmandasNotFunnyAwk0TacooCourtCost321tardisLindseyEllison2
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    JollyReprobateminealone6ThatsNotAFlowertacomacomedycruelestroach321tardisLindseyEllison2PaperWash
  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    If you work at Google and you ask your boss a dumb question he probably goes, "let me google that for you" really sarcastically.

    • 128
    • FAVS
    GregHenchmanpowerfulshampooAmandasNotFunnyMissyBombinoAwk0TacooNiceShoesWannaF__Jenny4ashleyHeyANow__________
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    AmandasNotFunnyAwk0TacoosilverbreezeycatelatteSirFlushaLotjeffporperC3Ballin__Suparbad__________
  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    True Story: My neighbors were stealing my WiFi so I changed the password and renamed the network to "Free Ride is Over"

    • 123
    • FAVS
    GregHenchmanAwk0TacooNiceShoesWannaF__Jenny4ashleyambamthankyamamNickKuyatsilverbreezeyGFGander
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    NiceShoesWannaF__madrigroberTheDudeSaysThisSirFlushaLotSuparbad__________FilthyMcMasters__10InchesPlusfavstar1000favs
    byronblurb
  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    If you rhyme Party with Bacardi you should be disqualified from your rap battle

    • 120
    • FAVS
    CopulatermanGregHenchmanAmandasNotFunnyAwk0TacoohoopahoepNiceShoesWannaF__Jenny4ashleysilverbreezey
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    SirFlushaLotTheCiscoKidderhoneybadgerMelmochanyasoniktruth10InchesPlusfavstar1000favsSpaghettiLeah
  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    Whenever a joke doesn't get a laugh, I just remind myself that Van Gogh died unknown and unappreciated. Then I cut off my ear.

    • 106
    • FAVS
    GregHenchmanjustdanc424_Awk0TacooNiceShoesWannaF__Jenny4ashleysilverbreezeydaemonic3jiggynye
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    Awk0Tacoofavstar1000favssuziqkelleySirFlushaLotameo0210InchesPlusJayJazzieliserose5
    10InchesPlus
  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    I'd be the guy on Jeopardy who never buzzes in on time but shakes his head like he knew the answer.

    • 91
    • FAVS
    AnotherDamnLisaAspersioncastkimwilliamzCopulatermanGregHenchmanAmandasNotFunnyAwk0TacooNiceShoesWannaF__
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    kimwilliamzCopulatermanAwk0TacoosilverbreezeyfukukuntArinLeeMorrissplendidly_dullTheCourtHouse01__
  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    Forty is the new Twenty, when you're filling up your gas tank.

    • 83
    • FAVS
    GregHenchmanSkullcatashlar36AmandasNotFunnyAwk0TacooNiceShoesWannaF__Jenny4ashleysilverbreezey
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    ashlar36daneZieAmandasNotFunnyrocksieflyNiceShoesWannaF__GioSayHeybrownulusweezer0207
    DaveZula
  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    I wonder if this rude sales clerk knows he's talking to the 1998 Greenwood Park Slip n Slide Champion.

    • 93
    • FAVS
    GregHenchmanashlar36AmandasNotFunnydivadeb99Awk0TacooJenny4ashleysilverbreezeycatelatte
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    ashlar36AmandasNotFunnynight_maherdivadeb99Awk0Tacooweezer0207JimmyStaxXx__suziqkelley
  • xunglam
      Xung Lam @xunglam

    Yahoo Answers makes a lot more sense when you realize it's just one guy talking to himself.

    • 98
    • FAVS
    CopulatermanGregHenchmanAmandasNotFunnyAwk0TacooJenny4ashleysilverbreezeycatelatteSirFlushaLot
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    SirFlushaLotSuparbad__________FilthyMcMasters__eliserose5bfraveComdudeedyElSeanimalJoeMunsterman
@xunglam

@xunglam

My name is pronounced Sung. I am a comedian from Seattle.