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Tip for the day, men: if your stuck in the "friendzone" here's a 5 step solution: 1. Stop 2. Being 3. Her 4. Fucking 5. Bitch
I like to leave my morals sliding down the inside of my legs.
This tweet brought to you from under my covers...goodnight you fucking assholes
Time to get high and have a cocktail.
God damn is rug burns on my ass to much to ask for?
Im not going to last much longer..choke me, pull my hair, eat my pussy...if u dare..im begging..please...take it
Today is turning into a good day...may even turn into a naked evening
Beer,shots and a hooter. Its 5 o'clock somewhere
If you are what you eat, then I'm fast, cheap and easy
Does this slave make me look rich?
I like to lie there after sex, stroking his hair and whispering things into his ear like "why are you still here?"
I got myself super stoned and lost my phone charger. Guess we are fucking in the truck tonight because I sure need my phone.
Its friday and it smells like copious amounts of booze and poor life choices. I expect great things from all of you.
Since when is it unacceptable to respond to a company wide e-mail with "fo sho"?
Do not go to my fridge in your underwear..we fucked, i never said i would feed you. Get out.
Keep scrolling, I got nothing. Except a horrible hangover and a sore ass.
Oh for fucks sake, fuck this day! On the bright side, met a wonderful Columbian man who enjoys bars and marijuana as much as I do.
Jetlag. And I can't find my shirt. At all. What happened?
I hope they lose my luggage so I can walk around this country naked, its fucking hot.
Airport security...hoping for a cavity search
Completely batshit insane..also high and drunk 90% of my time