call me Betty Crocker cuz my cakes stay plenty

watching To Catch a Predator and remembering the time I saw the dude I lost my virginity to on the show

be the Britney you want to be

if masturbation were a crime, i would be sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole

this girl is doing makeup tutorials inspired by the colors and designs from brand name soda bottles

@hautecraigture @john__juan thank god I wasn't tweeting in high school bc i was in love with Howard Dean

when the world ends, i wanna go out fapping to "Timebomb"

this is like some cable access shit @rihanna #snl

GIRL, YOU'LL BE A WOMAN SOON

idle hands spend time at the genitals

Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture needs to be played every time I enter a room.

and remember when Fred Durst claimed that Britney had a hairy pussy on the Howard Stern show? LIES WE KNOW IT'S BALD

@whitekid_wasted I remember I got suspended for saying "get the fuck up" part when they played Limp Bizkit's "Faith" at a school dance

tonight i am gonna fap laying upside down off the side of my bed and see if it gives me an amazing orgasm

@chrswith1eye @tiffany_4prez @john__juan @hautecraigture i threw up in my purse once... i cleaned it out and i still use it. no shame.

swimming in the money, come and find me

@jazzle_frazzle congrats you two!!!! 💜 @gk4lyfe158

FACE DOWN ASS UP

I wonder if Ina Garten shaves her legs

lip synching for my life to "Talk That Talk" @rihanna