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the Derrida Locos Taco will deconstruct your bowels, eloquently
relationship status: box of wine
I'm going to have a party for people who have trouble reaching orgasm; let me know if you can't come.
Here's to staying positive and testing negative.
Think you know pain? You haven't meet a 50-year-old woman with a skrillex haircut
Only took ten minutes for the daddy issues to come out. waiting for the tears (with lube and protection).
"I just got accepted to the University of Phoenix!!!!" - no one
"well, it's either chlamydia, a urinary-tract infection, or a prostate infection. having a bit of fun, eh?" #shitdoctorssaytome
I dreamed i was in an underwater post-goth cyber-punk warehouse with a BDSM show, and when i came up for air, a comet destroyed the world.
waking up with an erection is pretty patriotic, right?
A man was pulled out of an outhouse, drowning in shit. reason? he wanted to watch women poop. he was jerking off in a tub of shit
Some rats are offered booze to lower their sexual inhibitions. Some are given ptsd. #lifesastruggle #sfn
A Denny's Grand Slam a day keeps your sex life at bay
Fucking lol if you aren't drinking until you can't feel feelings right now.
A bus hitting me on the way to work this morning would have been awesome.
going to start selling homeopathic cocaine to new-age shitheads