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  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    I need a bumper sticker to wear during meetings that says "I'd rather be at my desk programming"

    • 81
    • FAVS
    JohnDuffy21JasonBerlinymgdchkizerbHeyHoseyTwitterTrendswordsfromjennhuascarsanchez
    • 353
    • RETWEETS
    sumedhsakdeoJorshhhceretullisKaramelkun____huascarsanchezrogue_codeaklefdalcodebeing
  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    Someone spelled “logins” with two g’s and now I can’t get “Danger Zone” out of my head

    • 53
    • FAVS
    juddx047avraamakisBenjaminFJonesianhuntrrTAThorogooddblevinsEliCourtwrightwhrrgarbl
    • 53
    • RETWEETS
    juddx047falconsviewbfistachilleas_kkenliuankurbnoah_whitedougwt
  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    HOW TO FOLD A FITTED SHEET: find two corners, and hold one in each hand. Now, extend your third and fourth arms, and grab the other two.

    • 51
    • FAVS
    JohnDuffy21HysteriaBarbieARMBREAKER713Christal_LcanadasandraTylerLinkinYtwoshaneveetweetz
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsChristal_LcanadasandraTylerLinkinIncognickiAngryRaccoon1IvyelleWright____Rmae12
  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    "Hah! Who's that weirdo talking to?" I say aloud to myself.

    • 68
    • FAVS
    JohnDuffy21JasonBerlinwordsfromjennjoshingsternKnow_Nosejeff_ratfamily____amuirinmythical_snot____
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsMisterPrankster
  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    There's a special kind of irritation you can only have for someone you've had sex with.

    • 51
    • FAVS
    theDanLawlerJohnDuffy21ArronskiJenma391jeff_ratfamily____pixiedinthearkdiarrheaDearStabby
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    dasubersexualFavstar500Favs
    Spinchange
  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    When a guy says he slept hard last night, I imagine him face-down, balanced on his erect penis, gently rocking back and forth like a seesaw.

    • 33
    • FAVS
    TylerLinkinJasonBerlinSquirrelNugsDadBeardainttellinshitspacebarftofferJimd8128
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    iSocialOutcast____BrianGoodrich1telnol83ximenaanemixxdeepamenon_PendarinTotAlyReAlPeterahum____
  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    Holy shit, babies are stupid.

    • 41
    • FAVS
    JasonBerlincrankfetter______Know_Noseymgdchmythical_snot____diarrheaDearStabbyWhitegasm________
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    UnLuckyChrisDave1001AdamDweebdelibrewfavstar_popPauly_MillerWWIFlyingAceSEC2ROWA______
  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    Just a second, honey, mommy has to tweet that.

    • 44
    • FAVS
    JohnDuffy21TylerLinkinJasonBerlinGrayWoofgrapesoduhymgdchjeff_ratfamily____vxlk
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    minealone6Cool_Jessepixiedintheark
  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    Oh, you want MORE water? I already GAVE you water, you stupid bitch. -- the fucking automatic sinks

    • 36
    • FAVS
    ArronskicatiehollandervicinaboxAnnaBananas80KevinOConnorVU____amyloulawPandorasPieAsaMasterman______
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    NateEhrmJackWHuffakmprettyweissenthahotness__V__O__I__D__Ahm76
  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    Don’t give up on your dreams, unless they’re dumb.

    • 25
    • FAVS
    DenymesanitybizarrequotessachbrushSarahMJadechristinawilderrustygunterUdontknowmeallWrite2Fite
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    DerekWaters8SarahMJadebadwisconsinitechellesturtexasstalkermomSenoritaPudding__pastajuanadruggedvoid
  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    Cleavage can only get hotter when there are visible crumbs in it. Ask anybody.

    • 38
    • FAVS
    TylerLinkinJasonBerlinmythical_snot____diarrheaDearStabbyWhitegasm________GazMan81diffidentastic
  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    Jesus fuck I love that kid more than sandwiches. And I fucking love sandwiches.

    • 32
    • FAVS
    mythical_snot____diarrheaDearStabbyWhitegasm________GazMan81fuddlemarkiamsaltlakediffidentastic
  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    Do surgeons go to work thinking "I am going to cut a bitch today"?

    • 29
    • FAVS
    TylerLinkinJasonBerlinmyfreewebJenma391GazMan81truffleparamourlemmywinkler______BucketE
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    15PiecesofFlairdiarrhea
  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    My epitaph will read, "She died doing what she loved: drumming on the steering wheel."

    • 26
    • FAVS
    HotSnuff__________scribblesgeniusTylerLinkinArronskiJasonBerlinTaylorCarman______oh_allyymgdch
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    TylerLinkinTessaMBond________mrsrussell0509
  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    I wanna do body shots off my baby.

    • 22
    • FAVS
    JasonBerlinTerinTalaricotinybllixTPHDHeyHoseyhenrymillertimeNickadooChaStur218________
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    ChaStur218________JessPlumPearcopsarecominmythical_snot____DearStabby
    toffer
  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    I am hungry and angry. I am hangry.

    • 24
    • FAVS
    Jenma391ymgdchdiarrheaDearStabbyGazMan81jessedpdiffidentasticdariennelake
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    acroyear3
  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    In a moment of awesomeness, I was, like, awesome.

    • 18
    • FAVS
    lilpyrogirlAlias1on1xexdluxlis____HisTigerLily__ekb1985motleytoastelidot
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    luckycartelfavstar_pop_tilbakeJeszheroninaoyamadonni
  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    Stop the world! I'm getting off.

    Or don't stop it, whatever. Just letting you know, I'm touching myself and it's going really well.

    • 23
    • FAVS
    mythical_snot____diarrheaDearStabbydiffidentasticZiggyWiggedtweetofclayChaStur218________SleeperCynic
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    BURN353
  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    Fuck my life with a life fucking machine.

    • 22
    • FAVS
    ymgdchdiarrheaDearStabbytweetofclayChaStur218________SleeperCynicvioletsiva________BURN353
  • xzqx
      Anne @xzqx

    That fart sounded like an awkward teenage boy asking a girl out on a date.

    • 13
    • FAVS
    A_Bit_Too_RudeiiiamnotasiankorrydukeGrind_n_Rollchris14612Faux_MaHateyHatingtonthankuiknow
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    LordWilliam_krispysam_Grind_n_Rollchris14612iansmith983liam150294RickNothingDearStabby
@xzqx

@xzqx

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