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Cop: Stop in-the-name-a-the-law!
Me: *vapes super hard and disappears in a vape cloud*
Cop starts breakdancing.
Probably the hardest thing about being a scientist is deciding which of your twins should be the control.
I'm just a girl, standing in front of a potted plant, burping. Where am I?
Say gender reassignment one more time.
Remember when you guys loved Aguilera til she got fat? Good times.
I'm looking for a Jedi in the streets but a Sith in the sheets.
Purdue is the first company to have the USDA verify their chickens are raised in the USA. Next up: verifying that water is wet.
I always thought Ice Man was kinda hot. http://attitude.co.uk/one-of-the-original-x-men-comes-out-as-gay/ …
I'm out of cat treats so I'm just giving the cat a few pieces of dried cat food. She's totally falling for it. Idiot.
There's no laughter in manslaughter.
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