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Rubbing Vicks Vapo Rub on my chest and going to bed. Oh good here comes the cat. Everyone wave goodbye to my sexuality!
Day 9,284 of this cold. Need a bap and a fap and a nap.
Why is it this cold in April, you ask? Because you didn’t recycle! This is all your fault, Sheila!
Yeah you’ll NEVER lose this!
Landed! Goodbye Dustin my sweet prince, this is my second shortest relationship. (The other was with a plate of nachos.)
Dustin (my new Jet Blue flight attendant/imaginary boyfriend) and I have “decided*” to live together in Denver.
*I’m gonna kidnap him.
Off to Denver with my new boyfriend*
*Jet Blue flight attendant
OMG this enormous German Shepard service dog is going to town on his wang right in front of eveyone waiting to board the plane.
Oh just murdering a lemon in my drink with a straw. What are you skanks up to?