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Go to your parents' house. Turn off motion-smoothing on their tv. Turn off keyboard sounds on their iPhones/iPads. Upgrade their browsers.
Holy shit I JUST REALIZED that the Washington Redskins could keep their dumb name if they changed their mascot to a little potato.
Okay imagine you go to The Dark Knight Rises and surprise: the entire soundtrack is new original Prince songs. Imagine it. Imagine your face
Sext riddle: I am inside u. Deep inside. I am in all ur bones and when u open ur mouth I can wave to myself. Give up? I am Sadness
Robert Downey Jr. and Jodie Foster just saying their own names to each other, like Pokemon, for hours.
RT if you are literally a trembling wet bag of bones and scared emotions
You're so pretty, you don't need all that makeup. Girl your face is lovely, why you gotta cover it up with skin. Your skull is perfect
I got 99 problems but a joke structure based on a 2004 rap single ain't one.
A Fake Geek Girl and Welfare Queen walk into a bar. Do you get the joke. They are both made up by Afraid Men lol
Oh man. Oh mannnnnn. http://www.xbox.com/en-US/xbox-one/we-got-your-back … "You'd rather [KNIT/CLEAN THE HOUSE/MENSTRUATE] than kill zombies."
OMG RT @cr3: You've must have seen this. Surely. It's amazing. World record for most soda cans opened in 3 seconds: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=DPKQwfIe5YQ …
Somebody tie a horse to this website I'm trying to use, because IT IS BUGGY.
Mitt Romney even pronounces the word "poor" likes he's only ever read it in a book.
Summer fun: every headline you see about "beach bodies," pretend they mean dead ones.
My goodness, you guys. It's... perfect. This is so accurate about depression, it gives me chills. http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html …
Every few days I get mad all over again that the best term we could come up for that thing was "walkie-talkie."
You ever look down and notice you're clenching your fist? And also your jaw? And also your whole self and have been your entire life?
When your phone rings and you're too scared to answer it and then it turns out it's the pharmacy calling about your anxiety medication.
Nothing in the shadows but the shadowcats. Wanna cross the animals? Friend code 2509-1732-9356.