The word translated "dad" from the Greek roughly means "one who is constantly accidentally kicked in the groin by flailing midgets."

If The Wiggles were all burned alive in a horrible plane crash, I would be forced to reevaluate my definition of a tragedy.

"If you don't have time to do it right, how will you find time to do it over?" Seth Godin

The Olympics are an athletics competition, not a textiles competition. Where were the computers you're typing all this patriotism on made?

David Cassidy Attends the Sundance Film Festival #WorstWesternEver

Twentysomethings are really passionate about humanity. Thirtysomethings have made a few humans and they're pretty much over it.

Does anyone know what @derekwebb is talking about? Specifically the random syntax-less tweets today, but also, ever?

Everything I know about the music industry, I learned from That Thing You Do. #whichiswhyiampoor

When your family is your idol, you will FEAR doing wrong by them. When God is your King, you will LOVE doing right by them.

I'm wearing a purple v-neck and skinny jeans, in case you were wondering if I have a liberal arts degree.

@j_viviano @scholler I approve such facial hair actualization on men of bearded souls. It was always going to come to this. #teleologicalwin

Referring to Indians, she said "Nano American" & I pictured Verne Troyer in a Cherokee headdress, so that's a look into what's up over here.

This McDouble has renewed my interest in Augustine's Just War Theory.

Now hiring @cumcmemphis: DIRECTOR OF MEDIA TECHNOLOGY - videography/graphic design; worship service production; team leader. Any leads?

Just swallowed an M&M whole. You would think that wouldn't cause miserable dull pain in your throat. I would scoff at your ignorance.

At a believer's baptism, a man makes his vow to God. With an infant baptism, it is all the believers present who must vow.

THE TINY TERRORIST JUST PUSHED MY KID. THIS IS WHY WE HAVE GOVERNMENT, PEOPLE. INITIATING NUCLEAR LAUNCH SEQUENCE.

If you have ever/never heard of @maxiedunnam and/or the Harlem Shake, this video is for you.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntZJHbYHgjQ … #fb

At Bargain Hunt, found a killer tailored grey suit. Fits perfectly, was probably made for a ventriloquist's dummy. Buying it.

@omgfacts That's the point. People who want to live alone have to die alone.