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He's very handsome, by which I mean he has some hands. The normal amount of hands. I'm not great at describing people with words.
Writer's block? More like writer's block!
Can I have sex with people who have the same name as my boyfriend or does it have to be that specific Mark every time?
DTFIMIYWITUTYNP (Down to fuck, I mean, if you want. It's totally up to you- no pressure.)
"Do you even lift, bra?" -something I just said aloud to my underwear drawer
Notes on Gender Differences
pee while standing
poo while sitting
pee while sitting
poo while standing???(??)
I got so drunk last night that I changed my default search engine to Yahoo.
The airport is exactly like all those comedians say it is. They're very observant.
Instead of resumé, I say resume. Because I always resume unemployment after turning one in.
Reenacted the WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!? scene from Se7en before I opened every present.
Raw toast is just bread?
It's probably hard to be taken seriously when you're Steve Zahn.
Like all the swankiest cars, I too have a red leather interior.
Sending blank sheets of paper through the printer so I can warm my face on them.
They call my pussy THE COCK PIT.
Unless you /are/ Jack Black, looking like him will not get you any poon.
♫ I can be your gyro, baby! ♫
*writes 0 on "_ days without an accident" sign*
*puts piss-stained sheets in the wash*