just noticed follow count at 69. Might try to keep it there a while. It's the closest I'll have got to oral in awhile!

my safe word is "I wanna have your babies"

You violated my trust & broke my heart now I hope you go to jail and get gang raped repeatedly in the ass (my new hallmark cards)

Just had a 30 min argument with myself about drinking every day. End result I put my drink in a fancy glass

You know what they say folks. If there's a will...


I want to be in it!

where the fuck did all this laundry come from? I think my dogs been wearing my clothes at night

Doing my husband was like driving a 4 cylinder car. He'd get you there but not real fast and the ride was usually uncomfortable

I would much rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

If U unfollow me ok just don't block me cause y'all R the only humour I get! It's never been about how# follow but alwys being able 2 laugh

I may not be rich or famous but U should know this about me. I am the CEO of my vagina an a legend In my own mind

Ah something about answering the door in a negligee with a beer in one hand and a gun in the other. It keeps em running

ya know what SUCKS????






I do :o)

Todays drinking is brought to you by drink In a plastic cup. This way I feel like I was at a BBQ or a party

There are days I miss being married. Like today don't wanna get my fingernails dirty fucking around with a lawn-mower that won't start

High hoe high hoe~me if I didn't have a job and fucked around a lot

If I haven't said it lately I hope my ex chokes on his next meal, really need to get voodoo doll ASAP that fucking prick. DIE

And just like that I was crawling under the porch.




Me: just dropped my vicodin :-/

My boyfriend pillow really consist of like 8 pillows mashed up the way I feel like sleeping. Good night tweps

Nothing says ur Jewish than polishing off a bottle of $2.50 wine ur parents gave ya from trader joes cause it was free. Fuck u & happy egg

I have faith that if I put twitter away even for a hour I might just get my house clean today. // fuck house work