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Look forward to Chick-fil-A introducing their Only Some People Are Allowed to Be Happy Meal.
Facebook = Star Wars,
Twitter = Empire Strikes Back,
Google+ = Return of the Jedi.
MySpace = Stupid prequels.
The 4 Stages of Going Out:
1. Why do I do this to myself
2. This isn't so bad
3. WE SHOULD DO THIS MORE OFTEN
4. Why do I do this to myself
"In this same office, firing you." - Best answer to the "where do you see yourself in 10 years?" job interview question.
Romney's 5 Point Plan:
1. Tell them what they want to hear
2. Do what I want
3. Look at pictures of horses
4. Buy a new boat
5. Ski
Things I did while Twitter was down:
1. Tried to load Twitter
2. Checked Facebook
3. Wept
4. Tried to load Twitter
5. Tried to load Twitter
Parenting is mostly just informing kids how many more minutes they have of something.
Dear Women,
We don't say this enough, but thank you. For not killing us in our sleep.
Love, Men
Leaving a watermelon on someone's doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.