Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Look forward to Chick-fil-A introducing their Only Some People Are Allowed to Be Happy Meal.
Pics or it didn't happen.
"HEY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON UP THERE" - your stomach while you're chewing gum
Facebook = Star Wars,
Twitter = Empire Strikes Back,
Google+ = Return of the Jedi.
MySpace = Stupid prequels.
BREAKING: CNN now reporting they know what Willis was talking about.
The 4 Stages of Going Out:
1. Why do I do this to myself
2. This isn't so bad
3. WE SHOULD DO THIS MORE OFTEN
4. Why do I do this to myself
"brb" – Jesus
"Just because you can't dance, doesn't mean you shouldn't dance" - Alcohol
Leaving a watermelon on someone's doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
"There's a sleeping person. Let's go ask it questions." – Children
Don't forget to stop and Instagram the roses.
"In this same office, firing you." - Best answer to the "where do you see yourself in 10 years?" job interview question.
Romney's 5 Point Plan:
1. Tell them what they want to hear
2. Do what I want
3. Look at pictures of horses
4. Buy a new boat
Things I did while Twitter was down:
1. Tried to load Twitter
2. Checked Facebook
4. Tried to load Twitter
5. Tried to load Twitter
1. think of a joke
2. chuckle at the joke
3. tweet the joke
4. no one likes the joke
5. hate the joke
6. hate yourself
Parenting is mostly just informing kids how many more minutes they have of something.
If you love someone:
1. Set them free
2. Drunk dial them
3. Read too much into their FB posts
4. Make them feel sorry for you
5. Die alone
If you buy organic and don't tell someone about it, is it still organic?
We don't say this enough, but thank you. For not killing us in our sleep.
There should be a food group called "fuck it."
I'm just a boy, standing in front of the internet, asking it to love him.