Someone tell Alan Partridge!!! pic.twitter.com/pb6pCnRWqa

ENJOY the Tom Jones 'bewildered but having a go' look any time by getting your Nan to play your Xbox. (via @johnny_two_dogs)

#AyrtonSenna 21 March 1960 - 1 May 1994. #F1 #FormulaOne #Formula1 #Senna  http://bit.ly/YlAtn3   http://twitpic.com/cnaja3 

Just checking the UKIP manifesto for the words 'invade' and 'Poland'.

CREATE intrigue by always answering the question “Where are you going?“ with “To do what I should have done a long time ago.” @daniel_mayhew

Gif of the day  http://bit.ly/17nQWZr 

WALES RALLY GB: This story is generating a lot of excitement in North Wales! @walesrallygb @dailypostwales #WRC pic.twitter.com/3MAyJEqKZg

Great news that Wales Rally GB to start and finish in Llandudno. Read more here:  http://bit.ly/YvH3pk 

RECEIVE free confirmations that your internet signal is working every 5 minutes simply by joining Linkedin.
(via @mr_gerwyn)

MOANING Tories in wealthy south-eastern constituencies. Avoid having your area ruined by HS2 by moving to Grimsby. (via @mrdavidwhitley)

Stolen a sit-on lawnmower from some pricks shed. I'm on my way to ram raid Currys/PC World.

I'm wearing a little hat to hide my identity.

When I heard the new Pope was Latin I was convinced it was gonna be this guy! #NewPope #FrHernandez  http://twitpic.com/cb313t 

HUGELY improve the processing speed of your PC by burying your head in your hands and whispering "Come on, for fuck's sake."

@chribhibble

@jeremyclarkson Jeremy please could you RT this. Someone stole my grandmas first brand new car last night. A white fiesta Zetec ML62 ZKE.

COUPLES. A Valentine's Day dinner out is an excellent way to maintain your bleak charade of love & happiness.
(via @richtextformat)

SPIRITS. Use your real voice when talking via Derek Acorah to avoid sounding like a ham-acting Scouse charlatan.
(via @stormgarelli)

Is Excel the most dangerous piece of software in the world?  http://www.newstatesman.com/technology/2013/02/excel-most-dangerous-piece-software-world …

RT @pontifex: Only kidding! Suckers.

Have you heard... Fish fingers... 100% Sea horse.

Between 2000 and 2006 the horse was the most deadly animal in Australia. In the same period, one person was killed by a cat.