"Little girls want Barbie dolls and boys want cars. When they grow up, they exchange wants."

I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want.

If you see me on the streets, that's not me. I don't go out.

You know the moment your heart skips a beat when someone who loves you texts you? Yea, me neither.

Don't make me employ Caps Lock.

Ladies the way to attract & keep a man isn't looks or babies but your cooking. Beauty fades & babies grow up but he'll always need to eat.

When sad, always put on quirky underwear & dance. It won't make you feel better but at least you know the title No.1Retard is always yours.

Tired of drinking coffee in class all the time. Beer next lecture.

Ever heard, "If you've nothing good to say, shut up"? No? Let me simplify things. Only time you open your mouth is when you're sucking dick.

Drink, drank, drunk.

When a guy says he cares a lot about inner beauty he means underwear, right?

After reading the crossword clue, "Physically aggressive behaviour (8)", you realize that violence is the answer.

If you can't do, teach. If you can't teach, tweet.

Better late than pregnant.

I've fallen sick and now my mind and body are finally in sync.

RT if you like bacon or stabbing people

You've never really lived until you've been unfollowed.

You don't start sentences with, "I officially.." unless you're a president, a pastor or a dick.

I got myself a boyfriend because why stop at only disappointing my family?

I'd say you're doing it cos you're insecure meaning I MIGHT be insecure which might mean YOU would think I'm insecure when I'm not. IM NOT.