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Holy Water = H2omg
I like Walmart cuz you don't have to get all dressed up like your going to Target or something.
I fell down the stairs......guess I didn't understand the gravity of the situation.
The door-to-door religion salesmen stopped by. I just kept knocking back whenever they knocked. It took a long time for them to give up.
I never send follow requests to locked accounts, I figure if they have standards I won't meet them.
When driving, I always keep my bass set to at least +2 or +3 just to boost my street cred.
Me: "If you could talk to any one person living or dead who would it be?" My 15 yr old daughter : "The living one."
If your looking for a lady in northern WI your odds are good, but the goods are odd.
My wife gave up sex for lent. I'm still waiting. She gave up smoking for lent 6 years ago and never started again. This don't look good.
Told he lady at the motel I wanted the porn channel in my room to be disabled, she said " We only have regular porn you sick fucker"
First time a girl taught me 69 she farted. I told her I didn't think I could take 68 more of them.
This time of night, if I close one eye I only see one laptop in front of me.
If you love something, set it free.......there are you happy now? Idiot.
If it's package says "Ribbed for her pleasure" I turn it inside-out cuz it's all about me.
Heading out the door to church. I'm Catholic so I have to make sure I feel properly guilty. Then I repent. Then I get edible Jesus. :-)
"Please hold onto the bar untill the ride comes to a complete stop" - I hate smartass bartenders when I'm this drunk.
If the USA wants to keep kicking ass, we should pick easier places. Canada could be taken with a pair of good sturdy boots and a loud voice.
My wife asked if I was seeing another woman. I said I was but then she closed the curtains.
Yes I know whiskey is not the answer. But I wasn't asking a question so just shut the hell up.
"Give me liberty or give me a rum&coke!" ~ Me