Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I can tell I'm in for a magical evening by the way you moved all your car garbage to the back seat BEFORE I got in.
I call my bedroom the red light district because of my lizard's night lamp. And also the hookers.
Writing a cookbook of 30 Second Meals. It's a very long list of things you can use to eat peanut butter directly from the jar.
"If you've got it, flaunt it." -fat ladies re: their boobs, and my cat re: his anus.
Are we using "cock magnet" to describe things that guys like yet? Can we start?
A fun thing to do at parties is get distracted painting a giant octopus on your dresser and forget to go.
I bet Calvin ended up being a furry.
Oh my god subconscious, I'M BUSY I DON'T HAVE TIME TO WONDER WHAT SOFIA VERGERA'S NIPPLES LOOK LIKE
Far be it from me to pass judgement on your stupid, stupid choices.
I bet the people who called 911 about sunbathers last week are the same ones who still jump over the last three steps on escalators.
"Oh hey, it's me, remember, we had sex 5 months ago. Just wanted to let you know, if you want to again, I'm game." GUYS, I FOUND MY SOULMATE
Sometimes I hear seagulls and think I live by the ocean...but nope, just a dumpster.
People on Facebook can't believe it's not Friday yet. More updates as story develops.
It's that time of year when I copy and paste your whiny, "it's too hot" summer Facebook statuses in reply to your "ugh snow I hate WI" ones.
Does Ryan Gosling know I have a vagina? I'm worried he doesn't.
Amber Alert is my stripper name.
My buddy Nate is Greek but also has alopecia so it's like what's the point?