A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Just backed http://t.co/QuXpLuNE - the idea sounds awesome, my money is awesome, so I combined that shit.

I order you to buy shitloads of shirts on http://t.co/cyqR6AWC - we both know that you want it!

Blah blah blah Mr. Freeman.

It's raining and I'm sitting in front of my computer with a cup of coffee. This weather works for me.

During these big games, all those who never watch football suddenly know everything. Love it.

Did you hear about the fire at the circus? — It was in tents.

Ordered food online, paid with PayPal; now I only have to wait for the robot to deliver the stuff.

Time for some ass-kicking! http://t.co/lTWZQmyt

Fudge, the only good photographer I know is in Hamburg, enjoying life and whatnot. Damn you @ede_!

Dominic Miller is one hell of a guitarist. 'nuff said.

Had two awesome days and a perfect Sting concert with @leniinchains!

I would have paid hard cash money for this guide when I was a kid. http://t.co/NSEEVZqa #pokemon #mew

I love it when people tape their laptop webcam shut. Nothing says "I am utterly paranoid" more than that.

@leniinchains Yes Please, I'm Ashamed you think it was Unintended. Time Is Running Out, though, so I Take A Bow. That's Showbiz.

@ede_ Asking you for good movies = works every fucking time.

This fucking awesome pixel dude was designed by @ede_ - dude, you fucking rock.

I'm a really nice guy, but if I see another "GEMA has not granted the [...] rights" notification on #youtube, I will destroy something.

I think the voice recognition just had an orgasm listening to my sexy voice. Or it crashed. So much room for interpretation.

@ede_ @doersino I read: "Thank you, Deep Throat." Freudian mistake, I guess.