Well, thank god Ernie can finally make an honest man out of Bert.

CASINO ROYALE WITH CHEESE #RejectedBondTitles

I've watched the new Community episodes and they are perfect and nothing you love will leave you and you will never die.

Stephen Sondheim, Andrew Lloyd Webber, and William Shatner were all born today. And we still don't have a goddamn STAR TREK musical.

How awesome would it be if Ann Romney suddenly screamed "FREE PUSSY RIOT!!!"

Okay, everyone bitching about the eagles: THEY ARE PROUD CREATURES, AND ONLY WILLING TO FILL PEOPLE OVER SHORT DISTANCES. #Hobbit

Sometimes I think the only thing you need to be a writer is the ability to think "I'm a terrible fucking writer," and keep writing anyway.

REAR WINDOW prequel that's just a reporter taking crazy photographs all over the world, and in the finale, he breaks his leg.

To sum up: it is scary being an old rich white man. Please allow him to arm himself, know everything about you, and probe your vagina.

At the end of the series finale, #House wakes up in bed next to Stephen Fry.

How the hell can all of you afford HBO?

Terrific summary/take-down of last night's PS4 circus:  http://gmlg.co/15x72Pt 

I mean, for fuck's sake, these books have been around for sixty years. You really think you're the first genius to notice this?

Accidentally bought regular instead of diet Mountain Dew, and now I'm snow-boarding on lava and I have diabetes.

If everyone in that stadium was armed, this never would've happened.

When the moon hits your eye and it's cancer and all you love in life is a grim march towards an inevitable conclusion, that's AMOUR.

It's National Cleavage Day, so I brought my axe to work, and now everyone's looking at me funny.

"Nate Silver" is an anagram for "Hari Seldon." #natesilverfacts

Bullshit bullshit Ryan Gosling bullshit kittens. #TheInternet

Avengers is a terrible name for a super-hero team. Might as well call yourselves the Better Late Than Nevers.